Killing Snakes

THE LADY who heroically abandoned her running automobile in the middle of a busy intersection to escort an elderly handicapped gentleman across the street, while traffic raged and flowed around them and her idling car, is back at her old tricks. This time, assuming the story is true, she saved herself. Previously she had confined her philanthropy to handing out money to down and out strangers, then, the heroic pedestrian rescue. She decided to take some time off, maybe relax a bit. The place to do that was, as it often is, in the comfort to of her home swimming pool, the one which is pictured with predictable frequency on Facebook. (she never shows us her house, nor herself, but the pool, and her daily lunch, are ever front and center.) But she lives in a part of the country experiencing a prolonged, severe drought, causing her pool to require topping off every few days. Top it off, hop in, and float or swim. Best take a quick peek first; never know what if any critters might have beaten her to the quick dip. She relates that she has been confronted by snakes and 'gators submerged. The drought has changed the dynamics. Animals are drawn more than ever to her pool, chlorine or no chlorine, and every day promises a new adventure in fauna. This time the snake was, so she said, sitting placidly by the pool's edge. That's when the adventure began. This one, according to legend, reared its ulgy head, raised up, like a cobra. It opened its mouth, and showed venom dripping from its teeth, almost as if in the very process of sinking its fangs into a victim. This was the first red flag. Venom dripping, without even a puncture wound to whow for it? Don't they save their venom for their victims? To cut to the chase, she killed it, she said. Had to, she said. There, I disagree. She did not have to kill the snake, cotton mouth water moccasin that it most likely was. Nor did it chase her, as cotton mouths are reputed to do. Actually they don't. They don't chase people, they simply regard people as tall, shadowy objects, pillars, under which they can hide in broad daylight, with which they are neither accustomed nor comfortable. It didn't chase her, so she had time to turn right around and run, lickety split, right abck into her house, which nobody on Facebook has ever seen. Or, for that matter, she had time to settle down with a cocktail, make a few calls, put her alleged house on the market, sell it, move out, and settle into new quarters, one without, one might imagine, a swimming pool. Instead she stood her ground, just like the law says, and killed ths snake. I didn't ask how she accomplished the killing. She didn't say, which raised another red flag. Did she shoot it? No, that would have done damage to her nice pool deck, of which she seems so proud. Strangling would be out of the question. Not worth the trouble and venom. What about a garden tool,and a good slicing, hacking, or beating? She simply didn't say. Why she didn't tell the world precisely how she killed the snake, or what kind of snake it was, only she could say, and she seems intent to spare the details, and take the truth to her grave. That leaves me skeptical, of the details, and of the whole story. Maybe she killed a snake, maybe she didn't. I wish her a good swim, free of snakes and alligators, and, in any event, there's always an elderly man or two to help across a busy street while her car runs out of gas in the intersection.