Going To Church Part I

THIS COMING SUNDAY, May 11, I plan to attend church. I do that occasionally, but no more than once every few years. The plan is for the senior center director, a young, intelligent, well read lady who has become a friend of mine, to drop by, pick me up, and deliver us unto. I appreciate this, because I hate driving, and the church is located around the bend, over the hills and far away, in a remote tiny town in our small remote tiny state. I'm looking forward to it. I am given to understand that the congregation normally has twelve members, mostly elderly, but that usually no more than nine actually attend. The organist is a friend of mine from the senior center, and I hear that he is quite good. I recall that for a time they were having difficulty retaining a minister; their usual one was spending time at the Mayo clinic with an illness, and they used a series of substitutes, until finally the situation settled down. Its a Presbyterian outfit, so, no yelling, snake handling, or speaking in tongues. As far as I know Presbyterians don't take communion; if they do, I'll pass. Like George Washington, who sat in the back pew, never stated his actual religious beliefs, and snuck out early just before communion, I consider it ritual symbolic cannibalism. With such a small, elderly conregation, I assume that they can use new members, as well as help in the singing, which I can certainly provide. I even suspect that within the next few years, the church will shut its doors for good; it seems to be dying, as is, in fact, the Christian faith all across America's fruited plain and Europe. I am not religious, being more of a pantheist,but am open minded, amenable to new opportunities. If they sing "How Great Thou Art", one of my favorite songs, its a done deal, at least in terms of my willingness to make return visits. In the event that I become a regular, hell will have frozen over. The chances that I will actually convert to the christian faith are essentially null, comparable to the chances of Donald Trump becoming a decent human being, or of uranium transforming itself into plutonium without the asistance of a breeder reactor. I have often articulated my reasons for my antipathy to organized, established religions of all kinds; my thesis long since nailed to the open doors of my ever evolving mental parish.. My essential theses in opposition to Christianity are: that the anthropomorphic deity is fiction. That the biblical God is a mass murdering, vicious, pernicious lunatic. That "God" neither writes books nor inspires others to do so. That God does not, as Goethe said, speak to us in books and stories, but that the universe reveals itself to us much more honestly and directly. That nobody ever died for our sins, except ourselves. That we pay for our mistakes every day, all by oursleves, often quickly, directly, and painfully. There are others, but needn't be mentioned here. Suffice to say that the concept of my sins being washed away in the blood of Christ repulses me, no less than strapping a virgin to an alter and hacking her to bits to assuage the appetites of a meat eating Mayan God. When the biblical god relented after mentally torturing Abraham for fun, and settled for a sheep in the bushes, he, she, it, showed some promise, but never followed through. The monster was right back at it on calvary. Some Gods never learn. I hope its a good sermon. Most of them tend to bore me, which, among many other reasons, is why I seldom attend.