Accepting Reality, Albeit Grudgingly

ONE OF THE INNUMERABLE Rush Limbaugh imitators, another wealth at any cost climate change deny-er, Bill Valentine, said something to the effect that conservatives consider carbon dioxide to be normal and natural, human breath, while liberals consider it to be poison, and falsely accuse it of ruining the ecosystem. Apparently unknown to said conservative talker is that carbon dioxide is indeed poison to humans, which is why we expel it from our bodies, just as we expel feces, urine, and sweat, all poisons. (Try inhaling pure carbon dioxide, and find out what happens.) The same commentator noted that liberals now accuse carbon of being the guilty party, whereas they formerly accused carbon dioxide, a sure sign of the liberal conspiracy to perpetrate the global warming hoax. What's really happened, of course, is that the liberal alleged conspirators have merely simplified the paradigm, to facilitate conservative comprehension. Carbon dioxide consists of two chemical elements, carbon, and oxygen. Oxygen does no harm to the air, it turns out, but merely augments it, since nineteen and a half percent of Earth's atmosphere it composed of oxygen anyway, is not poisonous to humans, and adding a bit more doesn't seem to do any harm, and in fact adding oxygen to the atmosphere enhances human respiration and athletic performance. But carbon, according to nature's plan, constitutes only a minute fraction of the air, something on the order of one hundred parts per million. Carbon is intended by nature to be cycled and recycled through the atmosphere, in very small quantities, but not to be increased continuously by human industrial activity. Thus, in 1900, the carbon content was approximately three hundred parts per million, and now it is four hundred, at least four times the amount that adhered for millions of years, proir to the advent of the industrial revolution. In order to deny global warming/climate change, one must either contend that no significant amount of carbon is being added to the air, or that the element carbon does not possess the heat retention characteristics laid out by the periodic table of elements and the science fo chemistry. Liberals are also accused of changing the term "global warming" to "climate change" to further confuse the issue. Again, the change in terminology is simply a tool to faciliate the understanding of conservatives, since the impact of carbon will actually result in a cooling of some parts of the earth, and a warming of others. Thus the term "global warming" is less accurate than the term 'climate change". Europe, for instance, will experience an ice age, as cold melt water from the polar ice caps cools the gulf stream, which will compromise the gulf stream's ability to carry warm air currents into Europe. All this simplification seems to have only limited efficacy. They still don't understand, or refuse to. To admit to climate change would force conservatives to admit the need for change in their behavior, which, of cousre, is contrary to the basic tenets of conservativism. Surveys indicate that one half of republicans deny climate change. Not long ago, the number was two thirds. Two thirds of the American people now accept reality, which, for Americans is rather impressive. but it isn't good enough, at least, not yet.

Respecting Nothing, Including Yourself

PETER ILYICH TCHAIKOVSKY (1840-1893) gave the world some of its most beautiful music. He is widely regared as the culmination of the "romantic" period of classical music, and his melodies, if one is not careful, can rattle around in one's mind for days, if not weeks. The only criticism anyone has ever made of big Chy is that he was unable to do anything except write pretty melodies. This begs the question: What else should be expected of him? That he should have written music which was not beautiful to hear? That he should have turned his music into tests of technical instrumental virtuosity, like Chopin and Franz Liszt? Or that he should have abandoned all pretense at prettiness, and instead have waxed bombastic and melodramatic and angry, like Wagner? If we're lucky, we'll never know. Tchaikovsky had it coming though. No one has ever been more critical of other composers than Peter Ilyich. Johann Sebastion Bach was utterly devoid of talent. Franz Joesph Hayden was fourth rate. Johannes Brahams was a joke, a farce. But Mozaat! Ah, Mozart. Now there was a true genius. The musical equivalent of Christ himself, according to P.I.T.. This is no exaggeration, and Peter himself insisted it was no exaggeration; Tchaikovsky actually compared Mozart to Christ. The only difference, presumably, being that jesus Christ did not stagger through the streets of Salzburg and Vienna with a half empty wine bottle in his hand, nor did he vigorously pursue women regardless of their marital status, nor was he an inveterate show off, nor did Christ engage in a continuous dispute with his own father concerning his responsibilites to his family. Nor, of course, did christ offer the world christ-like musical compositions. Tchaikovsky, in all fairness, left nobody off his trash-list; he often termed his own music "rubbish". Well, Mr. T, the only rubbish in your neck of the woods was your own attitude about yourself, and about everyone except Mozart. If Mozart was the only person to ever render worthy compositions, then we must conclude that the muse of music was invested in a single person, out of the millions who have given it a whirl. Can you imagine what he would have said about Gerschwin or Copeland? As goethe said: "when one respects nothing, it is no trick to be brilliant."

Only In America, Again

SO I PULL UP to the intersection and wait at the red light. On the corner is a pharmacy, either JVC or Walgreen, our only choices. High above is an electronic message board, with rotating messages. On the screen it says: "your health is our concern". Then, the sign changes,and it says: "prescriptions filled for the entire family". All well and good. Then, the sign changes again, and the message is: "Budweiser, $12.99 12 pack".... It cycles through again, same sequence. Satisfied that I am not hallucinating, I chuckle, and I notice a man pulls up next to me on a Harley, a big bad one, all chrome and controlled power. He looks the part, black leather, black German World War Two helmet, tatoos, full beard, muscles all the way to his fingernails. His sound system is blaring, even above the sound of the engine. A voice sweetly intones: "it was a total eclipse of the har-aaart." Tough guy with a sweet smile, slowly nodding to the gentle rythm. In the back of my mind it occurs to me that I have a three days growth of beard, am wearing faded torn jeans, flannel shirt and straw hat, am driving a fifteen year old pick up truck with missing paint and dents, with a sticker on my rear bumper which says "Harvard Alum". Ah, the blessings of irony and incongruity! Only in America.

Imagining a Free Market

THE BIG THREE, Family Dollar, Dollar General, and Dollar Tree, appear to be locked together in a grand corporate drama, of the sort we know so well. Dollar General will prevail, and will likely acquire the other two. Thus will conclude the era of competition within the dollar store industry, which might one day be compelled to rename itself the "five and ten dollar" store industry. Inflation, you know. Meanwhile, the Target corporation is withdrawing from Canada, perhaps to transfer resources south for the purpose of engaging more effectively in battle against Wal Mart. Or do they actually compete? Didn't there used to be something called the "Sherman Antitrust Act"? Whatever happened to it? Have we forgotten about it, or do we simply choose to conveniently ignore it? Corporate mergers and acquisitions seem to gain approval with noteworthy consistency. Anti-trust acts are remindful of civil rights acts and prohibitions against the inhalation of marijuana smoke: They come in large numbers, but never seem to be taken seriously. The standard line is that socialism does not work, but that capitalism does. Meanwhile, our public highways, bridges, schools, police and fire departments function smoothly, humming right along, while free market capitalism has never been tried. In America, the government subsidizes business, and this is mercantilism, not capitalism, at least, according to Adam Smith. According to Adam Smith, the free market runs the risk of exploiting labor, and government action on behalf of labor is always justified, but government action on behalf of business capital is never justified. This point is made in the seminal "Wealth of Nations", the Bible of the free market. In America, we use the government to support business, but not to help labor. As Abraham Lincoln said: "labor is prior to capital, which is only the fruit of labor, and never would have existed had labor not existed first. Labor is superior to capital, and should always be given higher consideration." As usual, in America, we do things backwards.

Tyger, Tyger, Burning Bright

THE GOOD NEWS is that the number of Tigers in India has increased by about thirty percent over the last few years, so that now there are about twenty two hundred, up from about fourteen hundred. This is evidently due to increased apprehension of poachers, the removal of humans from Tiger country, and a program to rescue and nurture Tiger cubs orphaned by mother-killing poachers. You might recall that over the last couple of decades, it had been widely believed that the magnificent species was headed for extinction. Unfortunately, only about seven percent of their original habitat remains. The price will be, in all likelihood, an increase in the number of Indians killed by tigers. It usually amounts to several hundred a year. Not bad though, when you consider that during the eighteenth century the British masters of India estimated that approximately three hundred thousand humans had been Tiger-killed. Humans are not the meal of choice for Bengal tigers, but are right behind hooved mammals. Once, when I was young and stupid, I went to a zoo where the animals were kept in large confined areas outside. It was a brutally hot summer afternoon, and the Tiger, in its very large enclosed area, was lying in peaceful repose right up against the iron bars, on its side, back against the bars. Closer I got...it must have sensed my presence, because when I got to within about five feet of the bars, baby rolled over on its back, with its paws in the air, like a cat wanting a belly rub. To this day I honestly believe baby wanted a belly rub. So, I obliged. Amazing what a couple of Budweisers'll do to a man's friendliness towards potentially dangerous animals. I began rubbing, and, honest to goodness, the sweet thing began to make a sort of purring noise. Its coat was surprisingly bristly and coarse; not at all soft and fuzzy. We're talking about a four hundred pound animal here, five feet long, minimum, head to butt. Its paws were four times the size of my smallish hands, and the bars were spaced far enough apart, yes, he could've taken a swipe at me, and done me in. Obviously, this was a tame beast who had experienced a good deal of positive contact with humans. Thus my mixed emotions about tigers in captivity. But thank the dear lord that we are now treating them properly, or at least beginning to.

To Arm, Or Not To Arm

IN THE EARLY nineteen seventies, the United states sold heavy metal radioactive material to India, intending that they should use it to develop a nuclear power system for generation of electricity. Instead, they turned the isotope into plutonium, and made atomic bombs out of it, in 1974. In turn, India's pakistani enemies moved to develop their own nuclear arsenal, post haste, and even as we speak the two nations have a good old fashioned cold war hapnin', after the fashion of the U.S - U.S.S.R. phony but very serious cold war from 1947 to 1990. It is to be assumed that the U.S. state Department was displeased with this, but we never heard much about it. Never accuse the American government of owning up to its own mistakes. But time heals all wounds, and affords us the opportunity of forgetting our mistakes. So here we go again. Obama is in India, selling more heavy metal to India, only this time, it is said, the U.S. will closely monitor its use. Counting North Korea, there are now, presumably, nine members of the atomic bomb club, none of which can be trusted to do anything productive with their weapons. Indeed, what can one do, productively, with nuclear weapons, other than instill fear and responses in others? When to arm, when to disarm, and when to sell weapons. That is, or seems to be, the question. the answer to the selling part is easy; sell as much as possible, to any and all buyers, as the French, chinese, Russians, and Americans do. Since the end of World War Two, the Western European nations have tended to decrease their military spending, and particularly since the fragmenting of the Soviet Union. But now the shadow of Vladimir Putin is upon the Earth, making practice bombing raids over Copenhagen, scaring the hell out of passengers of Danish passenger planes with cute fighter plane exploits. One just never knows.

Has Caring For Our Infirm Senior citizens Become a Racket?

ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS was in perfect health until he approached the age of seventy, a cattle rancher with a home in town, a solid work history, and a strong portfolio of investments. Happy and successful. Then, Parkinson's disease struck. At first, there was the shaking of the hands. Then, his body began to twist like a pretzel, he lost the ability to stand and walk, and ended up in a nursing home. It all seemed to happen so fast that it was truly shocking. This was accompanied by dementia, which often happens in older Parkinson's patients. Visiting him is extremely depressing, as doubtless many of you can imagine, those of you who have had similar experiences. Your first inclination is to run and hide, but then you learn to be patient, to listen closely and respond cheerfully, and to agree with everything they say. My friend talks about "getting out of here, and getting back to work." His psychologist says that accepting all his comments without comment is best. He'll die in the institution, the sooner the better. Better that he would die at home, but he requires twenty four seven care, preferably by professionals. In our culture, helping a loved one use the toilet or bathe is too personal; best it be done by strangers. Seems like every time I tell someone in the know about my friend, their first remark is: "nursing homes are a racket". Are they? In my neck of the woods, any nursing home is three to five thousand dollars a month, minimum. They, at least the one my friend is in, is crowded, impersonal, with scores of elderly and severely ill sitting in the hallways in wheelchairs, with nothing much to do. and this is regarded as a good one, which it really seems to be, from all I've heard. Plenty of employees, who seem to be on the ball. Clean, efficient...but somehow...so sad, so impersonal. What is the profit margin of a nursing home in America? they're all run for profit, right? People who get into the elder care business do so not only because they wish to serve the community, but because they wish to turn a profit, am I right? Is it possible that free market nursing homes are not the answer? Or perhaps it is; after all, soon enough, there will be enough of us needing constant care that the market will be wide open, and their should be plenty of competition among providers, enough to keep the prices reasonable, correct? I don't know much, but I know this: in the future, with an aging planet, hundreds of millions of people will need to be constantly cared for, or put to sleep like unwanted animals. In order to afford this, society as a whole will have to make adjustments. resources will have to be reallocated. Most people needing this care will be unable to afford it. In the United States, due to public demand, fewer and fewer dogs and cats are being killed because nobody wants them We are doing more spaying and neutering, and are working harder to find homes. we are becoming more enlightened and compassionate in our treatment of dogs and cats. A friend of mine from China once said to me: "you Americans are the loneliest people in the world. You care more about your dogs and cats than you do each other!" I could only agree. In America, and around the world, the aging of humanity is a looming crises, and in America, you just get the feeling that we have not yet found a good way to come to terms with it. Soon, that must change.

Wake Up Now!

IN AMERICA, it is reasonably easy to con people out of their money by offering them membership, for a price, in an organization or activity which promises to produce an income for all members. Anyone can do it...from the comfort of your own home, sign on today and get our special bonus offer, pay only shipping and handling fees, and so forth. All Americans are familiar with the drill, in the United States of Advertising. This says about America...what? That it is a land where naïve, lonely, and greedy people dwell in great abundance? Or, perhaps, a land where hope springs eternal. A website called "Wake Up Now" is a good example. It appears to be a pyramid scheme which offers...nothing. Perfectly intelligent people have logged on, signed up, and remained members for months, without ever finding out exactly what membership entails, what goods or services are involved. "the business of America is business", quoth one of our less than illustrious republican presidents of the nineteen twenties, maybe Calvin Coolidge. "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people", P.T. Barnum spoke right up. "against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain", thus spake the ancient Greek philosopher, Agathon. And really, who can disagree with any of the crew?

Bill Collectors In America: Picking Up the Pieces

ALL OVER AMERICA, people are being hounded by bill collectors. Mostly, it happens on land line telephones, which may be a major reason why most folks are going straight cell. But they aren't picky. They use any and all means of communication, and tens of millions of us are at deeply indebted risk. But at least they aren't knocking our doors down, and hauling us off to debtors prisons anymore. At least, not yet. But don't hold your breath, and do knock on wood. We really haven't advanced all that much from the middle ages. Let's see now. Your wages can be garnished, of course. Your possessions can be consifiscated. You can be put in prison. Isn't there a popular television show in which car repossessors, necessarily acting like thugs, drive off with people's cars over and over again, one after another, while the people who thought they owned them put on exaggerated dislays of anger? How much longer until the government spies snooping on us and the corporate creditors chasing after our meager money are the same people? Things are already worse than George Orwell or Aldous Huxley could ever have imagined...If you have a low wage job, no health insurance, and no great personal wealth, which probably describes most of us, stay well, and stay out of the hospital and don't count on relatives. Not in America, where relatives are often enstranged. Otherwise, the vultures will descend and circle, and will not depart until the carrion is entirely consumed. America is not a compassionate, caring culture. In america, non profit hospitals demand immediate payment. We all do. But nobody seems able to pay. So its a race to the bottom, making one wonder which will economically crash and burn first: the American government, or the American people. Perhaps our corporate masters will end up having to pick up the pieces, like we have done for them so many times. But they won't be able to put us back together, because, by then, it will be too late.

Escaping Violently

IN 1763, after yet another of their endless eighteenth century world wars, the British "acquired" India from France as a colonial "possession", as part of the peace treaty of what we in America called the "French and Indian War." In 1800, the ever vigilant British decided to start keeping track of how many people in India were killed by Tigers, since the number appeared, on the surface at least, to be, shall we say, rather substantial. Impoverished barefoot subsistance farmers living in small rural villages, hundreds of millions of potential human meals for Tigers, eaten by the thousands. By 1800, the British had a list of roughly three hundred thousand Tiger attackees. To this day, Tiger attacks continue in India, although at a much reduced rate. Its sort of accepted, in their culture, that the Tiger will prey and eat, someone, sometime... One can scarcely imagine the carnage prior to 1700, going back millions of years, humans being eaten by not only Tigers, but by heaven only knows how many other predators, huge animals far more powerful than we, bulls, bears, wolves, cats of all kinds, using humans as prey, by the millions. Our human time as prey has been much overlooked by us today, officially, even though it constitutes most of our history, and continues to this day, though fortunately greatly reduced. We don't think or write about it much, or teach it in school. But it survives in everything we do, really. It accounts for our persistent fear of one another, and other animals, for one thing. Humankind most likely invented fear and aggression, and both religion and war as methods of dealing with our status as prey, as a means of overcoming it, and becoming predators ourselves instead. Of all the animals to ever evolve on earth, only humans evolved from being prey, to being predators. We learned, after long years of scaveging the kills of other predators, how to defend ourselves, and how to hunt, then we proceeded to wipe out every other predatory animal on the planet. Pretty impressive. But today we are left with the violent residue of our primitive solution. Maybe on some other planet intelligent life will arise, or has arisen, which did not spend an enternal internship as prey, and thus didn't invent all the violent barbarism with which humans overcame it. It may well be that all the misery of our modern world was not inevitable, but rather, was a choice, a natural selection survival choice, among many choices. If only we had never been preyed upon so relentlessly by the rest of the animal kindgom, we might not have been so desperate as to invent barbaric religions (most religions conduct animal or human sacrifices) and barbaric violence. Just think of what we could have accomplished by now!

Capitalism As Chaos

TAXING THE WEALTHY, as Obama wants to do more, and raising minimum wage, can be seen as ways to redistribute wealth, which is a sacred violation of modern conservative American principles, which prefer social and economic Darwinism. The question is: without government involvement, what sort of economy would we have? The answer would seem to be: chaos. A pair of classsic novels, good entertaining stories, "The Jungle", by Upton Sinclair, and "Native Son", by Richard Wright, are good descriptions of lack of civil rights and economic survival of the fittest. The meat packing industry in Chicago in the early twentieth century and the south side of Chicago in the same time period are perfect examples of what America has been, and needs to continue, growing out of. we most assuredly must have government involvement in the economy, and indeed, the lack of government involvement may be seen as a form, a bad form, of government policy. Pure capitalism is chaos, aint it? Thank goodness have may never find out.

Insulting Religion

POPE FRANCIS maintains that free speech is relative, that one does not have the right to provoke anyone's anger by insulting or ridiculing anyone's religion. Well, so be it. True, deliberately provoking a human being, any human being, is a bad idea, since humans are so very capable of surprising forms of retallation. Doing so by insultig or ridiculing religion seems particularly in bad taste. But in all respect, your holiness, I beg to differ with you. People most assuredly do have THE RIGHT to do this, no matter how bad an idea it is. Any limitations or qualifications placed on free speech, and the slippery slope of incrementalism is begun. We wouldn't want to quality freedom of speech out of existence, after all. You can indeed yell "fire!" in a crowded theatre; very likely you'll experience consequences, up to and including jail time, or physical abuse by angry theatre goers. Our absolute right of free speech is God given, just as surely as are our ears and lips. You do indeed have "the right" to insult someone's religion, which doesn't mean you should. Alas, our human need to control other humans!

Making Up Aliens Like Everyone Else

AT FIRST GLANCE, you wouldn't automatically assume that crop circles were made by extraterrestrial beings using extremely high tech. You would naturally assume that some human, or group of humans, did it. You would be impressed with the workmanship and detail, but you certainly wouldn't think it impossible for "mere humans' to design and create something so incredible. But, after hearing countless people inject alien beings into the crop circle story, you yourself perhaps now find it almost impossible not to do so. Chances are, when the first people, like those two English blokes, started mamking crop circles, they didn't expect anybody to suspect alien origins, and were quite surprised at the furor that was raised. but when all hell broke loose, with the media stories about aline beings and crop circles, the actual artists were doubtless inspired to ever greater works. When the two original blokes came forth and confessed, they wre largely ignored by the alien-crazed crop circle community. by then, the alien theory had become more than a theory; it had become established dogma among the believers. And herein lies a cautionary tale for homo sapiens sapiens. We tend to see whatever we want to see, whatever we imagine we see. Our explanations tend to be curiously anthropomorphic. I think vaguely we can all sense that there is something wrong, that all these crazy religious and superstitious beliefs we have accumulated, up to and including the aliens among us, might be rooted more in our minds than in external reality. But let's look at it this way. Whether or not anyone has ever been abducted by an alien, the mere fact that millions upon millions of people claim to've been constitutes an incredibly fascinating phenomena, worthy of close examination.

Helping Stray Cats On the Free market

TEH DEMAND FOR PETS, both cats and dogs, is way up in America. Pythons and piranhas, who can say? Although many Americans are still crazy enough to want pets that shouldn't be, perhaps, at long last, they are sufficiently sane to refrain. Demand for dogs and cats is a good thing, because in America there is usually an unwanted surplus of both. So, let's round up all the strays, spay, neuter, and adopt! Should be plenty to go around, what with millions of stray cats and dogs across the fruited plain. Obviously we don't want dogs and cats to become so few that they become ridiculously expensive and thus create a corrupt market, but neither do we want to return to the days when "animal shelters" were death camps, and millions of dogs and cats roamed free. Free aint bad if you aint miserable, but....I worry about strays, what they will eat and drink, how they will deal with the weather. A couple of years ago, pet free, I had absolutely no intention of pet ownership, until three cute straY kittens showed up, one at a time, in my yard, and wouldn't leave. Now I wouldn't trade them for the world. It makes me wonder about what would have happened to them without me, and about all the other strays in America. Is it possible for a stray cat or dog to live a reasonably long and happy life? Is it common?

Losing Our Chains

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW, until today, that the Teamsters Union has been run by the federal government for the past twenty five years. Monitored and overseen by the feds, actually. Jimmy Hoffa Junior has been the leader since 1999, and he swears he hates the mob, which, considering his family history, is believeable. Certainly seems like a drastic solution, but it seems to have worked, and the gov is pulling out even as we speak. Case closed, one more victory for socialism over the corrupting tendencies of unregulated capitalism. I mean, look. In a big industry, with many low wage workers, said workers are gonna, if given half the chance, organize. Union organization is as naturally human as apple pie, given the human tendency towards oppression and exploitation of the many by the few. So, first cometh the unions, then comes the corruption. Since the owners don't fight fair, why should the workers? What we really need in the United States is a good old fashioned social labor party, like they have in every European country, a party to supplement our two parties of ownership, the Dems and repubs, tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Or better yet, a worldwide labor union, an international union/political party/movement of the workers/poor people of the planet. How many would that entail, in reality? What, about six billion people or more? Isn't the pyramid much broader at the base? Like the Marx-man said: "workers of the world unite, you have only your chains to lose".

Purchasing the Political System

HERE IT COMES AGAIN, starting all over again, just like clockwork, the famed and never ending American presidential election season, which, as mentioned, lasts forever. I keep wondering why on earth Jeb Bush is my current favorite candidate. Maybe its just because nobody else, not even Jeb himself, has formally announced. Let's hope that's the reason, and hope further that in due time I come to my senses. I usually do, eventually. Its just that Jeb seems to have something in his personality which enables him to see other people's points of view, and to be flexible, to compromise. Jeb is currently raising money, big money, for what looks like a soon to be announced presidential run. Hillary could steal me away in a heartbeat, so, Jeb had better get busy. Heaven only knows how much it'll cost this time, the rising price of the presidency. Obama paid, what, a cool billion? Where does the madness end? Potentially, it ends with nine little words, written into the U.S. code of laws: "the sale and purchase of political advertising is prohibited". But who wants simple, effective solutions? That would take all the fun out of the big game, and force us all to behave responsibly, seeking out information on candidates on our own, pressuring media outlets of all sorts to provide the information, without profiting grossly therefrom. But at least American political system of elective offices wouldn't merely be a matter, as it currently is, of the corporate oligarchy purchasing and owning the political system by giving the money to the candidates with which the candidates purchase the offices, by beguiling the beguilable electorate with a choice between one corporate candidate, or another corporate candidate.

The Thrill of Living In the Dark Age

IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, you almost feel as if you are living in the "dark ages". The dark ages, right here, right now, not just during the long lost middle ages, but right here, right now. Where to begin...well, for one thing, more than half, or about half, of the American people evidently do not believe in global warming. Is it any wonder than the the United States government is the only government on planet Earth which has no interest in or intention of dealing with, climate change? But then too, many if not most of the American people think that the theory of evolution is just a theory, and perhaps even a far fetched and incorrect one, when the fact is, it is a fact. Then there is this peculiar sickness which infects a tragically high percentage of the human population; the belief that God speaks to us in books, which we call 'sacred" or "holy" books", or "scripture". Every religion has one, right? Makes you wonder which one is the real deal. Makes you suspect none of the above. Evidently God assembled a large group of quarreling clerics in Nicea Greece in 325 A.D., and had them argue month after month, finally deciding what to put in their Bible, and what to leave out. Now that's the way to inspire the writing of the truth! Now, admittedly, this seems, on the surface, to be a rather strange way to convey absolute, literal truth to humanity. But it doesn't stop us from pretending! Not much does, it would seem. Most of us appear able to believe that all that noise about carbon in the atmosphere is just a lot of nonsense, or that the element carbon does not do what all high school chemistry classes and the periodic table of the elements say; no, no, global warming is a hoax perpetrated by people who hate progress and wealth. And to think, these few examples of dark age thinking by large parts of our supposedly modern and enlightened civilized populace are but the tip of the proverbial iceberg, when it comes to institutionalized inanity. Oh, the thrill of living in the dark ages, particularly in the great American fun house!

Helping Charlie Hebdo Go Subtle

I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE, Jesus is the answer, all human religion is fundamentally correct, or at least have some merit of some sort, and that the universe is perfect. Why do I believe all this? Because I want to, which, it could be argued, is the only reason anyone ever believes anything. I find no compelling external reasons to believe or not believe, either way. Evidence for such questions is either everywhere, or it is nowhere, and either way, can't be seen. Thus I believe what I prefer, which is complete happiness, or so it seems to me. Anyone, which probably means everyone, who ridicules or condemns this seemingly outrageous approach perhaps should be made aware that it just may be the most honest approach possible, or perhaps even the only honest approach possible. Surely that counts for something. You've noticed, of course, that we live in a world in which everyone is just absolutely certain that his or her religiosity is the "correct' religiosity, to the apparent exclusion of all others. And just look where this ubiquitous attitude has gotten us! Don't we all secretly long for the day when we can all say, with confidence and honesty: "isn't it wonderful that we all have different religious/spiritual beliefs, and that they all work for us, and that we all share and respect all beliefs?" Yeah. Fat Chance. Whatever your religion, stand above it for just a second, and look down on humanity the way an extraterrestrial might. See what I mean? I mean, how disgusting is it, our stupid petty violence? But there is a hint of progress. The new issue of Charlie Hebdo has transitioned from vulgarity to subtle, thought evoking, penetrating humor, what with its image of the Islamic prophet, shedding a tear, and forgiving his wayward children. Rock on, Hebdo! My suggestion is that Charlie should show two Muslems, conversing by cell phone, condemning western secular materialism. The best humor is subtle, and not inherently offensive to anyone.

Fighting Charlie Hebdo With the Mighty Pen, Not the Sword

IT IS FRIGHTENING, every time some idiot claiming to be a Moslem commits mass murder, the reaction of american conservatives. First, they want to blame it on the entire Islamic religion, which is an absolutely horrible idea. They try to claim that all Moslems harbor ill will towards the U.S. of A., merely because it IS the U.S. of A., wealthy, free, content. Pure jealousy, nothing else. As if the attack, invasion, conquest, and occupation of Islamic countries by the United States has nothing at all with anti-American anger waxing violent. Currently our brilliant American conservatives are busily condeming Obama for not going to France, as if they even really care, and ridiculing the Paris police for not carrying guns. Reminding them that Obama probably has good reasons for what he does, and that the Paris police probably do and do not carry whatever thay do and do not carry for good reason, does absolutely no good. But, alas. Most of the world, and probably most of the Islamic world, is united in favor of freedom of expression, and that's a good thing. The French magazine might do well to learn the subtle art of satirical humor, to learn how it is best, most effective, when it is understated, rather than thrown in people's faces. We all inspire humor within others merely by our actions, and one need only hint at those actions to trigger laughter. One needn't engage in groos exaggeration, distortion, and outright slander. Let the magazine reader create his own thoughts. and fill in his own blanks! Anyone wanting to get even with the French magazine for slandering Islam, Mohammed, or whatever its slander of the week happens to be, need only respond in kind to be effective and to get even. Charlie Hebdo is very easy to make fun of, because Charlie Hebdo is every bit as sanctimonious, self righteous, ridiculous, and obnoxious as anybody it ever ridiculed. Come forth with your own cartoons, angry Islamic terrorists, and put the Kalashnikov forty sevens down! Show a cartoon of the editor of Charlie Hebdo making sexual fun of the prophet on paper, while simultaneously being fallatiotically serviced by a fellow magazine staffer - or, something of the sort. The pen is mightier than the sword.

Dying Happy, With Elvis, Who Should Have

ELVIS PRESLEY had a great voice, great looks, and a pretty good job driving a truck, all at the tender age of eighteen. He could have kept all of it, for a long, long time, and been quite happy. Maybe he should have. Throw in a good wife, two point three kids, dog, cat, white picket fence, and you're good to go. A perfect formula for a perfectly happy life in Tupelo, Mississippi. If ever there were an example of why you don't want to be rich and famous, its Elvis. Rich and famous ruined Elvis, or perhaps, he allowed it to ruin him, needlessly. But don't they all, or at least most of them? Elvis, on January 8, 2015, should have been celebrating his eighty-aith birthday, white haired, with a lap full of great grand kids. You can sing to your heart's content damned near anywhere you want. Doesn't have to be in front of fifty thousand people, or in a fancy recording studio surrounded b y "advisors" and flunkies. And, when it gets right down to it, if its the right person, a single sex partner is, after all, quite enough. My mother died on January 8, and, serendipitously, Elvis died during the month of august, in 1977, on my mother's birthday. She was born in 1920, and from the mid nineteen fifties on, love Elvis. Thus, at her funeral, Love Me Tender, et al... But Elvis should still be alive, should have been informed of my mother's funeral, and his asociation with it, with a smile Or, so it seems to me. Mom died happy. I wish Elvis had.

Onward American Christian soldiers, Humbling!

GEORGE WASHINGTON STARTED OUT as an Episcopalian. At least, that's what his parents evidently intended. But by the time George was a teenager, he stood over six feet tall, and had a mind of his own, including within it second and third thoughts about the Christian faith, and his relationship to it. He stopped going to church, for the most part, but when circumstances required his attendance, as often they did, he refused to genuflect, or kneel, which, as you may know, is central to Episcopalianism and Catholicism. In those churches, one spends much time on one's knees, or is supposed to. But Georrge kneeled for no one, including God. Nor would he discuss his religion, which was "deism", a form of atheism, with anyone. Thus began, by the father of the United States, a long tradition of American cultural rebelliousness and arrogance. Seems like today we at times lean a bit heavily on the arrogance, and a bit lightly on the rebellion against authority. But that's another matter. Our modern American Christians are just as sure as they can be that they are right as rain, and that everyone else is wrong. Our modern Moslems are somewhat similar in this regard. Hence, much of our tragic global discord. Instead of "I embrace Christianity, but I respect your atheism", we get something darker, watered down, like, "I love the sinner, but I hate the sin". What rubbish! What phony, arrogant, condescending, patronizing trash! Damning with faint praise. C'Mon American Christiandom, humble thyself a bit!

Powering Up With the Sun, House by House

ALL ACROSS THE FRUITED PLAIN, Americans are putting solar panels on their rooftops, getting their electricity directly from the sun, selling what's left over, if anything, back into the grid, saving the planet, and inspiring fear among the wealthy elite owners of the electric power companies and the semi-socialistic public power grid. Profits are down at the electric companies, and a scheme is being worked out to require everyone living indoors to pay a monthly charge for electricity, whether or not they generate their own power in the privacy of their own rooftops. We must, of course, ensure that our conversion to privately produced electricity endangers not our elite corporate masters; so let's keep paying them! And if the oil/fuel companies, and those at the top of them, remain billionaires while we ween ourselves away from fossil fuels, what of it? Who cares if the same people who have all the money now still have it after we convert to solar energy and save the planet, so long as we do the converting and saving? Hell, economic equality is important, but we can tackle that later...(we sure aint tackling it now)... We can have our cake, and we can consume it. We can suck enough fossil fuels out of the ground to satisfy our wealthy masters, and, having barely converted to solar in the nick of time to save the world, keep everyone happy. We can all become the producers of our own electricity, and we can all help to maintain the public power grid, which, like the railroad system, will not turn out to be obsolete. Germany is leading the way in solar energy, powering a substantial part of their country with it. Now, the rest of the world will follow suit. Solar energy is the ultimate answer, isn't it?

Giggling With Goldie Hawn In Aspen

SOMETIMES IT PAYS to seek adventure. Like, moving to Aspen, penniless, homeless, and jobless, then leaving Aspen a year later with plenty of everything. The trick, in 1989, was to get three jobs, and hold 'em, which was easy in late eighties boom town Aspen. You could start at Mickey Dee's for eight an hour. My three jobs were day care worker, junior college instructor, and grocery-deli worker. All three were fun, in their own way, but the grocery gig was the funnest. Since it was the only grocery in town, everybody in Aspen came in, including celebrities like Buddy Hackett, Hunter S. thompson, and Goldie Hawn. Buddy was incredibly short and dumpy, Hunter S. wore dark shades, carried a cocktail and a cigarette holder, and mumbled. Late one night I was at the register, bored, when in walks this angel faced blonde, tall, willowy, curvy, wearing faded blue jeans and jean jacket, with all the blonde hair piled up on top. Something clicked, and as she was unloading a basket full of fruit, I realized it was Goldie, and began giggling like a grade school girl with a crush. Kurt Russell's wife looked at me, and said "is something wrong?", and I knew I was busted, so, why pretend? I blurted out: "Oh, I just think you're wonderful!" Now she was giggling. and as God is my witness, she said "thanks, you're cute." Now, of course, one can mean anything by saying that. You know how some people call everybody "sweetie" or "honey". So, chances are, it meant nothing. On the other hand, what if she really thought...I suppose there are worse fates than going through life pretending that Goldie Hawn thinks you're cute.