Taking Communion

I TOOK COMMUNION TODAY, for the first time in my life. I had long ago decided that I would never do this. But, as the bard Robert Burns said, "the best laid plans of mice and men, oft gang aglee". Mine seem to have ganged aglee. I, like Geroge Washington, consider communion a primitive barbaric ritual, like the Christian religion itself. Symbolic cannibalism, I consider it, again, like George Washington. I am a pantheist, Washington, like many founding fathers, was a deist. Notwithstanding what Trump said about Washington, his army did indeed not, repeat did not capture every airport in colonial America during the Revolutionary War.But he did in fact eschew communion, and always left his Episcopalian church before it was time for the congregation to take communion. As usual, I entered the church fully intending to so eschew, in true Washingtonian fashion. They have communion but once a month at this tiny rural Presbyterian church, and I had not yet attended on communnion Sunday. But I discovered that they do not consumate the ritual by having each congregant leave is or her pew seat and approach the alter one at a time,but rather, a "communion person" comes around to each individual congregant with wine and wafer pre-prepared in lovely, silver containers, the wine arranged in a circle in small silver goblets after the fashion of a "lazy Susan", each ensconced in its own tiny goblet holder, the wafers ornately symetrically positioned on a literal silver platter. Again, one need not leave his or her seat to partake. One need merely wait patiently, and communion will come calling, rather akin to a house call by an old fashioned doctor. I immediately found this arrangement greatly to my liking, and changed my mind on the spot. Surprised and pleased with this unexpected arrangement, I partook. When in Rome, as we say. I experinnced no harmful effects, but in fact felt and still feel rather pleased with myself for having done it. I can retain my status as an open minded, "When in Rome" sort of person, open to any and all religious traditions, willing to experience life from the point of view of other people, willing to step outside the comfortable conifines of my own personal beliefs, and to expand the range of my experience and knowledge. A good friend of mine who underweant a similar experience told me that he accepted communion as a free and refreshing snack. I cannot claim to be quite this open minded. Both my stomach and m soul require more. After the service I told the minister, a retired lawyer turned lay minister, who has become a good friend of mine, that this had been my first communion, and he expressed his approval. I told him that I liked the "in pew" arrangement, and that otherwise I would have eschewed, and he seemed to understand. Thus once again do I find myself stuck in the middle, alone, without spiritual or intellectual companionship, as doubtlesss I would be severely chastised by my fellow religion despisng progressive intellectual comrades, as, horror of horrors, a "closet Christian",and equally despised and reviled by my unfellow Christian votary devotees, who would excoriate me for my lack of faith, for my despising of all religion, and especially of the Christian religion, for my lack of being saved, my inevitable eternity in hell, blah blah blah... Adrift, alone, without a spiritual or intellectual home among my fellow human beings, as has always been the case with me, and always will be. My only response to this state of affairs is, glory be to me, long live me, may the good lord bless and keep me. My response to everyone else, to the atheists and agnostics and to the fervant Christians both of whom might dare to disapprove of me and my beliefs is, to hell with all of you, for you are the narrow minded despicable ones. I am at peace with myself, and with God, who wholeheartedly understands and approves of me, by beliefs, and my behavior. I love and am at peace with Jesus, who loves me, and shares this point of view. How do I know? I asked.