America, Great As Always

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the greatest nation on Earth, and has been from the very moment it came into existence on July 4, 1776. This indisputable fact becomes even more self evident if one happens to be insanely patriotic, like a typical American conservative, suffers from amnesia, and is afflicted with persistent hallucinations, all of which are characteristic of typical American conservatives. Under these conditions, one realizes that the American people have historically been, and are today, so very magnanimous and noble that they regard all citizens as absolutely equal in value, regardless of skin pigmentation or amount of accumulated wealth. The American people founded this country only after seeking and gaining permission from the original inhabitants of this continent to settle on and utilize the land for the benefit of all, taking great pains to care for it properly. We Americans are so generous in sharing our wealth that we should be admired by the entire world as a model in egalitarian society. The top one percent of the American people own and control a mere twenty to thirty percent of the wealth. A mere fifty million Americans live in poverty, which means that only fifty million Americans are lazy, stupid, and undeserving of the fruits which the Christian God bestows upon the virtuous wealthy elite. The United States has never treated any foreign country improperly, and has never invaded and conquered any other nation for the purpose of stealing its mineral resources, but only for the noble purpose of bestowing upon benighted peoples the blessings of American virtue, including economic equality, democracy in which the wealthy have no advantage over the poor in forming public policy, and the true faith, Christianity, according to which a kind and loving God, in order to avoid sending sinners to burning hell for all eternity, kindly sacrificed a good man by torturing him to death, which,, quite logically, freed us all from sin, so long as we the people are willing to accept that this was indeed the most kind and loving act of a kind and loving God, a God who generously destroyed a mere fifty thousand and seventy people when a single person disobeyed his instructions by taking a quick peek inside a wooden box containing further instructions about how to live our lives. The U.S.A. remains the greatest nation on Earth because its people....well, because, and only because, its arrogant population of xenophobes says it is. And that, from their perspective, is quite good enough.