Texting, But Losing Our Grip

YET MORE HARVARD STYLE trivial social research reveals that, believe it or not, the average American shake is weakening in grip strength, decreasing in duration, and as you might by now have guessed, it all because of, yes, you guessed it, texting. Presumably this conclusion was reached by the extensive accumulation of empirical date; Harvard would have it no other way. maybe their student body was measured in an all campus project, or maybe people were randomly selected from the general population. Details were not provided. we can take it on faith that the results are conclusive, verifiable, and reproducible, Harvard would have it no other way. I was raised, as were most men my age, to look your handshake partner straight in the eye,make a firm grip, and hole the position for not less than three but not more than five seconds. I've spent my life obeying this dictum, but differing results. some guys just flat over do it. you know the type; the type that can't seem to let og, or can't seem to squeeze hard enough, as if trying to prove something. With those guys, small is my hands, are I always hang tight, because I have strong hands, after years of tennis and, tennis ball squeezing, and isometrics. But then too, there are the limp wristed guys, who barely give you a grip, not because of their sexual orientation, but because they were never given the handskaking 101 course by my father. these guys just never learned how to do it. Mamby pamby liberals, invariably. the emergence of text messaging as the communication mode of choice naturally invited a hand strength study, and into the vacuum stepped dare old Harvard, which never saw a study it didn't like. Blame it on the smart phones, and our addiction to it. The weakening of the hands applies across gender, age, ethnic, and religious lines, but is most pronounced among millennial men, possibly cause this is the one demographic group most likely to replace other forms of hand strengthening labor with texting. The silver lining is that the grip lessening has been accompanied by a verified increase in thumb strength, for obvious reasons. Millennial in general tend to be two thumb texters. None of this hunt and peck stuff for them, they get right to the text. the problem concerns every other muscle in the hand, all of which are becoming severely atrophied as texting insinuates itself ever more insidiously into human culture. so, without corrective measure, such as universal group hand strengthening classes or mandatory restorative surgery at government expense, we're doomed to a future of all thumb, no fingers. welcome to a world of squishy, tentacled humans, where baseball is extinct, but swimming records are broken daily.-------------------PLEASE SHARE THIS WEBSITE WITH OTHERS. WE WANT TO ENCOURAGE CREATIVITY!