Raising Kids Right, In Plain Sight

I HAD AN UNUSUAL CHILDHOOD, by American standards. For that matter, I've had an unusual life, but who hasn't? Well, that's another issue. For me, there were no "terrible twos". Oh no. I sat quietly, hands in lap, as the adults prattled. None of this running around, tearing stuff up, throwing. One look from mom did the trick. Other than her tendency to do everything for me instead of teaching me how, her lack of positive reinforcement when I wanted to work at fourteen, and a minor issue involving ketchup, she was a good role model. Now I pour as much ketchup as I want, but can't change a tire, and retired too early. Thanks, mom. A Harvard level study reveals that in general, parents are poor role models. They behave badly in front of their toddlers, showing petty anger, dishonesty, and greed, thinking nobody is watching. Somebody is. The research consisted of parents, flipping coins, and getting rewards when two coins matched. Thinking nobody was watching, they lied like dogs, (and you know how dogs lie), wanting the free movie passes. When the Harvardian elite were watching, their behavior improved, a little. When the kids were in the room, the level of honesty took a quantum leap, but still fell short of impeccable. The most interesting feature consisted in the fact that it is evidently more important to instill virtue in female offspring than in the males. The females, the study concludes, are held to a higher moral standard, perhaps because, evolutionarily, females are, quite simply, more valuable. The mothers always know who they are, as does everyone else, but nobody ever knows for sure who is the father. So, what does it matter that men have, or have not, moral values and integrity? The fertile females will be impregnated, by somebody or other. But mothers must be good mothers, and thus must be physically attractive, which is a sign of health, with everything symmetrical and she must have goo discernment is all things, especially her selection of a mate. One crazy day, my seven year old older sister carved her initials into mother's favorite coffee table, and placed the blame on me. When mother pointed out that not only was I, a four year old, incapable of writing, but that if I were, would be most unlikely to carve her initials rather than mine, the jig was up, and sis had learned a valuable lesson: if you choose to e nefarious, do it smartly. That is the most important thing a female in any species can learn; be attractive in appearance and behavior, be choosy, and choose well. You can only bear one man's child at a time, so you'd better make a smart mate selection. Males? All we can do is hope to be selected,and, if by the vicissitudes of fate we are not selected, well then..... we're off the hook