BY THE TIME i had been on aol for a month, i was addicted to the online social life. I spent hours in chatrooms, and there were dozens of people, mostly women, on my buddy list. My experience in over indulging in aol is one reason i stay away from facebook and twitter now; fear of addiction.
Early on i decided to take a conservative approach on aol. when i entered chatrooms and introduced myself i always told 'em that i was writing a book on chatrooms, and was there primarily for that reason; research.
There was a lot of truth to this, although twelve years later the book has not yet been written. Book or no book, i did not entirely stay away from the romance and the drama. And, as always, the women i got along best with were those with whom, from the very start, there was no romance involved in our friendship.
One of these women was brenda, a lovely intelligent forty something shania twain look alike with four kids who taught school in baton rouge. Brenda was very much in love with a guy in kentucky, whom she had met online. They had visited each other several times, and were engaged.
suddenly, brenda told me, he lost interest, and basically vanished from her life. she had no idea why, because as far as she knew everything was fine, and there had been no problems between them at all. but suddenly it seemed the dream romance was over, and she was crushed, devastated.
Well, that got me to thinking (which can be dangerous). Beautiful women with lovely personality, and a guy who, the more i heard her talk about him, reminded me...of me...hmmm.... he reminded me of me, and that helped me understand him, and whqat might be going on with him, and between them.
I thought I began to understand what was happening, which, basically was that he was suffering from depression and was blowing off his medication; but i realized all that had nothing to do with her, and, i also became convinced that he still loved her very much, but just couldn't function at the moment.
Brenda was despondent and ready to join a convent, but i persuaded her that if she truly wanted to be with this man, it could be arranged, but only through intelligent and cleverly manipulative behavior on her part. She was flying off the handle, and i convinced her it was doing no good to do so.
Brenda and i talked online for at least a half hour every day for six months, during which i gave her, on a daily basis, advice on what action to take or not take, based on my assessment of the daily situation, and his probable responses.
OK Brenda, today send him an email and say this. Call him later this evening. Don't call him this evening. Do this. Do that. It became a daily ritual, she reported in to me his responses, and i directed the coming day's strategy.
We began to make progress, and she gained more trust in me, then complete trust, and i became more of a tyrant than a coach. I gave her orders, she followed them. This guy was going to come around, and i , by god, was going to make it happen, using brenda as my front girl.
At one point she wanted to turn on the charm full speed, and i told her instead to totally ignore the guy. He wasn't responding quite like i wanted him to, and, by god, let's see how he responds to brenda vanishing for awhile. it worked.
another time she announced in frustration that she was giving up, quitting. I wouldn't let her do that. Not after weeks of struggle, weeks of investment on my part. You quit, I'll kill you, my friend.
But in the end, after about six months of this craziness, me using brenda as my puppet to lure this guy out of depresson and back into her arms - it paid off, and they got married. thus i became, in the truest sense, the manufacturere of a marriage.
All these years later it seems like a crazy dream. I hope the marriage worked out.
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