Disqualification

LANCE ARMSTRONG, who rides bicycles extremely rapidly, has as of now never won a bicycle race in france. His ostensible victories in seven consecutive  tour around france races has been declared "illusory" and "hallucinatory" by the anti doping agency of america (ADAM).

Although armstrong has never actually failed a drug test, and has actually passed trillions of them,
Adam insisted that Everything Verified Extremely (EVE).

 Bud "whizzer" McClean, chairperson of ADAM, said, to wit, "there aint no way in hell that some skinny american kid who wasn't even competitive enough to lick cancer without medical attention could possibly have defeated premier bikers from such robust romantic nations as france, italy, and spain, over, and over again.

As a result, armstrong will not only be stripped of his many titles, but also of his spandex riding outfit. Further, he will no longer be allowed to ride a bicycle on the streets of america, and ADAM wished to emphasize that this decision has nothing to do whatsoever with the fact that most of america's roads have fallen into such a condition of  extreme disrepair that bike riders are generally unwilling to set their slender tires thereupon.

Anyone who possesses a lance armstrong "livestrong" yellow wristband is respectfully requested to return it to the Society to Eliminate Destructive Unwanted Cancerous Traitors In Only Nanoseconds (SEDUCTION), or, to gather them together, tie them all into a chain, and  wrap them around the tires of any bicycle that armstrong attempts to ride.

Armstrong's name will now be added to the lengthening list of NCAA division one football teams which won football games in previous years, only didn't.

The international Olympic Committee is reportedly considering punishing the united states of america for ever having allowed armstrong to represent it in europe by stripping it of its victories in world war two, iraq, and afghanistan, due to allegations that many members of its military were under the influence of alcohol and other undesirable substances while on the field of battle. Under this arrangement, germany, japan, saddam hussein, and the taliban would be awarded first place trophies, retroactively.

Bb

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