Poll Watching

THERE SEEMS TO BE a considerable amount of confusion about the electoral process, precipitated by deliberate disinformation being passed out in liberal quantities, concerning requirements for becoming a polling place observer. Polling observers are of course people who hang out at voting places for the ostensible purpose of making sure that nothing untoward or illegal takes place. To become qualified to be a certified poll watcher, one must be a registered member of a white supremacist or neo-Nazi organization, or both. membership in the Republican party, or an evangelical church, or a patriot militia group are considered qualifying characteristics. An often asked question is whether one must be a Christian to register as a pole watcher. The answer is that one must. All pole watchers are required to be saved, saved from lives of intelligent, open minded intellectual inquiry. One must attest to having read nothing other than the Bible, and to have rad the bible in bits and pieces, rather than straight through, from cover to cover, as if it were a book. Cherry picked portions are preferable, passages which convey wisdom and truth, but do not give the impression that the biblical deity is a diabolical, genocidal, psychotic monster. Poll watching may consist either of watching human beings touching computer screen behind curtains as a public location for the purpose of selecting which unqualified candidate will serve in political office, or paying close attention to a tri-colored flag atop a slender tall metal pole, or viewing round slender wooden objects atop of which are strung wires, connecting the slender wooden objects. Any of these activities are considered appropriate to the intelligence of citizens who seek to undermine America's electoral system through voter suppression, voter intimidation, or the spread of disinformation, as, for example, far right wing Trump supporters often do.  This satirical, farcical, fatuous account of poll and pole sitting is intended to suggest that the American electoral system has been rendered less effective than it should be because of a widespread distrust of it, deliberately encouraged by cynics. People who engage in poll watching claim that their purpose is to ensure fair elections, while in actuality they are simply hoping to advance their political party's agenda. In a healthy electoral system, poll watchers should be unnecessary, and in fact are even in ours. Competent poll workers and honest citizen participation are quite sufficient, or should be.