Getting A Better Heart

THE FORMER vice president, and the real power in the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, called the Rush Limbaugh radio show the other day. He has had a heart transplant, after five heart attacks, the first of which occured when he was only thirty seven. He seems to be doing quite well, and has a new book coming out. The National Security Administration "obtained" the identity of the person from whom Cheney got his new heart, and the information was leaked out by another inside informant. The donor evidently died while protesting American corporate imperialism out the headquarters of Haliburton industries. While attempting to force a limosine containing high level Haliburton executives to stop by standing defiantly in its path, she was struck and killed by the vehicle. The victim was in her late teens, and carried on her person an organ donor card. Identified as eighteen year old Cara Lott, a student at Bill Clinton High School, and an avid proponent of unilateral U.S. disarmament, gay rights, economic equality, and corporate accountability. It was during Cheney's interview with Rush Limbaugh that the conservative radio entertainer asked Cheney his reaction to the knowledge that the donor of the heart taht saved his life was in fact a person whose every word, deed, and belief are antithetical to all that Cheney himself believes in. The former Vice Presiednt of America, and former Haliburton chief, and hawkish free market conservative Cheney indicated that while the news was indeed disappointing, there wasn't much he could do at this particular point in time, or at least until another, more suitable heart donor becomes available. "The good part is, she finally accomplished something worthwhile outside my company, the sad part is, I got the heart of a little person whose heart, poltically, was certainly not in the right place.", said Cheney. Limbaugh then joked "well', Mr. Vice President, it certianly IS in the right place now, and a better place at that!" The interview attracted a larger audience than any other episode of Limbaugh's radio program. Numerous listeners phoned and emailed the show expressing anger that not only a good conservative republican would accept the heart of a liberal. Many expressed confusion as to why Mr. Cheney had not yet used his considerable "resources" to locate a more suitable replacement donor. Cheney addressed this question by stressing that he apologizes for any emotional suffereng by any of Limbaugh's loyal listeners over this sad situation, and pledged to use all possible means and to exert maximum effort in fulfilling the expectations of conservatve republicans everywhere: that he get a different heart, the heart of a person true to blue blooded American values.