Abstaining, But Still Seeking

DURING THE PAST couple of years I have been engaged in a sort of spiritual exploration, attending different curches, contemplating different philosophies and spiritual viewpoints, and have essentially arrived at the conclusion that I am either a spiritual eclectic,or a Pantheist theist. Words matter, but, perhaps, not very much. I am definitely not a Christian Presbyterian, nor any other brand or Christian. The Unitarian Universalist church greatly appeals to me, and I feel closely aligned with it,the only problem being that it takes a twenty mile drive for me to get to a service on a Sunday morning. Since they stream their service on the internet, that option remains open, if a bit less fulfilling. Sacrificial,substitutional, cruxiifiction theology I find primitve, barbaric,personallly revolting. I usually mis qutote this,but still: "If God is God he is not good,if god is good he is not God". That's from either an ancient philosopher or Archibald MacLeish, take your pick.My current inclination is to stay home on ensuing Sunday mornings, sip coffee,play with my at, and mybe meditate and study something. I have long contended that a spiritual life can thrive under any circumstances, and that formal rituals are unnecessary, serving only to reinforce inner thoughts. Jumping around from church to church can be eduational. Immersion within a single church over along period of time builds commmunity. It may be that whatever path I take, I will benefit somehow, one way or another. It may be that any interest at all in matters of the soul and spirit are a "win win" situation. I do know for certain that whatever understanding I ever gain of the unvierse, the limited undersanding that I have already gained of it, has been provided me by science, not religion. One possibility and temptation for me is to declare that my religiosity consists of my understanding of scienece, limited that it is, and to leave it at that. One way of lookng at it is to say that you can't go wrong no matter what you do, as long as you are trying, like exercise. If you are alive and kicking, if you are thinkng, and if you are asking the basic questions; who am I, what am I, and what is all this about, you are a seeker,and an explorer, and thus are doing the only and best thing that any intelligent being can do; exploring and growing. Perhaps these approaches are worthy of a "participation trophy", and that there is no greter award or reeward. Since there seems to be only one universe, should we assume that there is but one creator, and that therefore there ought to be only a single religion on this planet, or any other? Whether or where you go to church may be irrelevant to the larger endeavor, of utilizing the individual mind to contemplate and seek answers to the basic questions of human existence, and cosmic existence. Many people have asked; "Why does anything exist at all? Why is there not merely an endless black void?" Carl Sagan gave us a good comment: "We are a way for the universe to know itself". Confronted with our confusion and uncertainty, that might well be the best we can do in terms of answering the question of our purpose. Considering how chaotic and confusing human understanding seems to be, we might hope that other intelligent lifeforms all across the universe are hard at work asking the same basic questions, and getting better answers. In church, out of church, or wherever, we can take comfort in knowing that even if we aren't winning, at least we are in the game, still trying, still seeking.