Following the Rules, If Possible

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE LIBRARIANS at the public library in my very small town were a bit too big for their britches, literally and figuratively. I have nothing against somebody weighing three hundred pounds. Hell, this is America. Damned near all of us weigh three hundred here. Its their unfriendliness I didn't like, their apparent contempt for me. Maybe it was something about the way I dress - down. Dp I really look like the radical left wing eccentric malcontent that I am? They are all conservative republicans, I learned that the day after Obama was reelected and they were wailing and gnashing, and maybe we just put out the wrong vibes for each other. That must be it. Little bitty library, several thousand books in a small old brick building, cute, but hardly a reason to feel superior for merely working there. What got my dander up first was the sign on the three reading tables, saying "please turn cell phones to silent so others can read quietly." or something like that. Only problem, these ladies kept up a constant, full volume, shrill laugh punctuated conversation within five feet of the reading area, all...day...long. Turn cell phones to silent? why? Where is the quiet we must protect so arduously? On each table were also signs warning that no food and drink were permitted in the building. You guessed it; at the check out desk, a veritable buffet of food and drink sat constantly, near the only expensive objects in the room, computers. Computers, with keyboards. I mentioned all this in a letter to a city official, and the silent cell phone signs disappeared, but not the food and drink signs. I guess the city figured the ladies had to eat and drink at work to maintain their hefty figures. Then, just the other day, new signs appeared, and you won't believe what they said. I quote; "please do not smoke while reading books borrowed from this library. Paper is flammable, and smoke stains the books." I shit you not. As God is my witness, these small town library people are presuming to give book borrowers instructions concerning the proper environment to create at home while reading library books. What next? Do they intend to visit the homes of book borrowers to ensure compliance? They cannot be serious. They have got to be kidding. i'll bet even the world's greatest libraries, libraries at Harvard and the Library of congress do not have such signs. I feel a sense of urgency to warn the world to stay away from this freak show. I have expect to see a sign next time informing the public that all returned books must be accompanies by a book report, typed, double space, error free. If you think that sounds crazy, think again. Just to be safe, if I ever check out a book from that place again, I will turn on an air freshener in my house while reading, and take copious notes.-------WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR ORIGINAL CREATIVE WRITING. SEND SUBMISSIONS TO rbbond1955@gmail.com THANKS!