Capturing the Traitor Snowden, Dead or Alive

THE UNITED STATES Department of State announced today that an ad hoc joint military S.W.A.T. special forces team had entered Russian territory with the assignment of locating and bringing to justice self exiled alleged treasonous traitor Edward Snowden, dead or alive. The operation, variously termed "Operation Snowed Under", and "Osama Bin Laden Redux" reportedly involved three Huey helicopters full of guns, ammo, and guys wearing all black, with black and green painted faces. The choppers were scheduled to fly off the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan, floating in the Black Sea. The National Security Agency said it had located Snowden at a computer & vodka sampling club meeting between Moscow and St. Petersburg, using standard surveillance and monitoring techniques, the kind normally used within the United States itself. Sitting side by side, Sec. of State John Kerry and ex-sec of state Hillary Rodham Clinton read a joint statement, invoking the memory of Jimmy Carter, and the failed but gallant rescue attempt of several dozen American hostages from the clutches of Iranian student radical right wing hippies in 1980. Secretary Kerry proclaimed "Obama got Osama, and big O gonna holden Snowden." Russian Premier, President, Chief Executive, and Prime Director Vladimir Putin expressed concerns concerning the American military invasion of his country, saying that he considered it to be a consumate act of poor ettiquette, and that such blatant rudeness is difficult to accept, without some future financial concessions being made by the invader to the invadee. Reports of an impending deal involving Putin, the United States Treasury Department, and investment firm Morgan Chase are circulating among mainstream American paparazzinic media. Putin expressed his fervant hope that Snowden will evade the " imperialist Yankee kidnappers", and seemed confident that he indeed would, "out there in the wolf infested wilderness" between Moscow and the rest of the world. The Russian military emphatically implied that if the American invasion force were any stronger, and America's history of cuch operations any less incompetent, there would be cause for genuine concern, but as of now, is adopting a "wait and see" mentality.