Choosing To Take Offense

HAVE YOU EVER heard someone say "I don't get mad very often, but, boy oh boy, when I do, watch out!" Of course you have, because we all say it, and we are all liars. We say it because we want simultaneously to convey an impression of tremendous potential personal power, well controlled by our immense wisdom and forbearance. Powerful, a tremendous force we all like to consider ourselves, capable of exerting great influence, but wise and restrained, thus generous and magnanimous. That's us! That is pure fantasy. Quite the opposite is true. We remain in a constant state of mild annoyance, based on fear, which all anger is, and we disguise our anger, at least we tone it down face to face, because we have learned that when we show it en total, nobody cares, and we lose influence. We are petty vindictive beings, easily but mildly angered; our nobility and wisdom are higher up and harder to reach. Anger is base, buried deeply within the brain stem, down low. I cannot remember ever having been angry at anyone in particular, for anything. As a toddler, I was surrounded by more powerful domineering people, my mother and sister, and I learned that to get angry was to invite conflict I could not hope to win. I therefore remain constantly annoyed with the whole of humanity. Many people have gotten angry at me, throughout my life, and still do, invariably for petty reasons, for avoidable reasons, for imaginary or forgivable offenses. When we are angry with someone, the object of our anger owes us something, and we take comfort in being the afflicted, the affronted, the victim, the angry martyr, capable of great retaliation, but noble in forbearance! Time to collect that debt! God, What rot. Among enlightened beings, anger is bullshit. No, I don't care, and never have, when some stinking primate becomes angry at me. Every adverse interaction, every conflict I have ever had has been a one way street; they get mad, try to disguise it as a well justified taking of offense, and I shrug my shoulders and ignore the idiots. Momentary anger is normal and natural; you hold a grudge for more than ten minutes, and I'm out of there, and I don't return. Why bother? One might as well stand at the orangutan cage, and dodge dung. During the twentieth century over one hundred million violent humans died in combat. "I make friends with people, and I wear a derby on my head as others so. I say: 'they are strangely stinking animals'. And I say,'no matter, I am too'". (Bertolt Brecht). I spread may anger thin, generalizing it to include all humans, living and dead. I no longer even like my high school classmates, from forty five years ago. They voted Trump. They're all mad at me. I sure as hell do not care. I'm outta here.