Owning Up To Socialistic Senior Centers

NEVER A DULL MOMENT at the local senior center, in my small southern town in the land of liberty. All I was doing was trying to walk out the back door, innocuously, carrying a few leftovers from the day's three dollar lunch, when one of the seniors at the card table said to me: "who do you plan to vote for?" I couldn't imagine why anyone at the table would care; most of them don't seem to like me very well, for some strange reason. Instantly I responded: "Bernie Sanders!, but I'll hold my nose and vote for Hillary if necessary." But I couldn't stop talking. Couldn't leave it at that. Oh no, not me. So, I continued: "after all, I'm a good socialist". Well, if you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question. By the time I had gotten the syllable "Ber" out, they were starting to look a bit blue, or is it green about the gills, and by the time I had uttered his full name, they appeared positively peeked. Announcing to these southern conservative Christians that I am a socialist was the final straw, and the ones who didn't run from the room with hand over mouth looked as if they wanted to kill me on the spot. Fortunately for me, they seemed to have left their hardware at home, (all good God fearing Christian conservatives conceal and carry) and besides, those among them who didn't use a cane need to. I can still run, and even at the advanced age of sixty one can do a twelve minute mile. That, I thought, should be sufficient. But I was on a roll, and, well, you know how that is. "By the way", I further intoned, "everyone here is a socialist, and if you think otherwise, you might wish to decline to accept any further social security checks." By this time they were all looking beneath their colostomy bags for handguns, which I just knew were there, hidden somewhere I hoped they could not remember. When you're in this deep, why even try for extrication? "Also, I might add, this very senior center, in which we all now happily, socially repose, is not owned and operated privately for profit, in direct competition with other providers of the same service, which makes it, alas, a socialistic enterprise, not a capitalistic enterprise. Which is perfectly true, of course. We live, I nearly hastened to add but didn't, in a land of pervasive socialism, including, among other goods and services, social security and senior centers. I don't think they understood what I was talking about, and wouldn't have believed me if they had. To them, socialism is some intractable evil in some other far off land, a land where nobody has the right to do anything, including visit the local senior center, which, as far as I can tell, does not compete in any form or fashion for business with any other senior center, is not privately owned, and does not seek profit, but instead, cooperates with all other senior centers in the area to provide a wonderful array of perks for all those of advanced age. Unless, of course, somewhere far off there is a silent partner who owns and operates, very privately, some senior centers, which compete, very quietly, with other senior centers owned by other silent partners. If that is indeed the situation, we have a scoop.