Inventing God

RATHER LATE IN HER LIFE my mother said that she had no trouble comprehending how old she was, but that she was freaked out by how old her children had become. She died as 93, and would now be ninety nine. More than ever, I now understand what she meant. although I don't have any kids, and am admittedly at times freaked out by my own age, sixty four, what really freaks me out is how old the children of my peers, friends, and high school classmates are. Many of them are middle aged, sliver haired. Here I am, long since old enough to be a grandfather, nearly old enough to be a great grand father. Yes, I am now a senior citizen, resisting the idea of surrendering my illusion of still being young. A few days ago one of my best friends' children died suddenly in his late thirties, and for me the shock may take awhile to wear off. I have known this kid since he was in kindergarten, and now hear he is, in the middle of middle age, and dead. what a complete nightmare, this is. I want to go into denial. it may be that this kind of situation is why I believe in God, why I began believing in god when I was about twenty eight, or so. Not any anthropomorphic deity associated with any of the world's religions, but rather, my own personal sense of intelligent design in the universe. Believing in God comforts me. it also inspires me. whenever I make any sort of reference to God in a conversation with others, I also make it a point to mention that I am not a religious person, merely one who believes in God. That seems to confuse a lot of people, strangely. It would seem to be s simple enough situation to understand, for anyone of reasonable intelligence and open mindedness. Often people will share some very bad news with me, and I will respond by mentioning that my belief in God helps me endure tragic situations, and I don't even mention anything about religion in particular. Goethe said: "When I realized that everyone invents his own religion, I decided to invent mine". That is exactly what I did. As a young child, I realized that religions exists, and learned about Christianity, including the fact that everyone seemed to be one. But I believed from the beginning that the choice was mine, and for that I thank my parents, for respecting my freedom. I find it amazing and horrifying that so many people consider it virtuous or desirable or absolutely necessary to raise their children to share their parent's religious faith. WE should all be free to invent our own religions, our own God, and the wonderful truth is, we are, if only we realize it.