Asking Questions

MY MOTHER, who would now be nearing her one hundredth birthday, once told me that when she was a little girl, her favorite word was "why"? She said she became known for using it, for asking questions about causation. "Why" is always a tough act to follow, a difficult question to answer. Mom had the makings of a scientist, but turned to nursing, succeeding. I take a different approach. I rarely ask anyone "why". I prefer the challenge of answering that for myself, and trusting my conclusions. Instead, a pepper people with questions about themselves. They seem to enjoy it. I do it for all the right reason; genuine interest in people, inherent curiosity, a desire to connect with others. I notice that in general people ask very few questions about me. My oldest and dearest friends seldom ask me anything about my current life. The few questions I receive come from strangers. maybe my friends think they already know all about me, which they don't. Maybe they think they already know enough, and maybe they do. For those who don't ask questions, the loss is theirs. Social psychologists say that people who ask questions of others about others became popular, are perceived as nice, and connect easily. Everyone's favorite of conversation is herself. In a normal, conversation, if you talk about yourself without being asked to, eyes glaze over. Talk about her, she perks right up. Basic human nature. there is, of course, a thin line between curiosity and being nosy. That line is usually drawn very close to the other person's nose, due to vanity. so, go ahead and fire away! Maybe you'll get that first date, or make a new friend. There are hazards, I got kicked out of my local public library for talking too much. this, in a library in which the employees gab like a gaggle of magpies, about nothing. Most libraries prefer quiet. Not only did I talk too much, doing in Rome as the romans do, but I asked too few questions of the library director. I should have encouraged her to talk - about herself. I could have avoided eviction. The deism of Thomas Jefferson or the flat earth paradigm of the bible were topics I should have avoided. I bored and offended her with my sinful blasphemy. I should have talked about her instead. The silver lining is that I am now forced to seek out other libraries, where challenging conversations are acceptable, and I can ask questions of people who are sufficiently interesting to provide worthwhile answers.