Removing Jefferson From Texas

IN TEXAS, another of the Benighted States of America (B.S. of A.), it will soon no longer be possible to learn about Thomas Jefferson in public school history books. All mention of our third president has been removed from textbooks, after the censorious fashion of Stalinist Russia, ancient Egypt, and communist China. Stalin and the Chinese did not want their people to know anything about the prosperity generated by American free market capitalism, among other things, the ancient Egyptians omitted any mention of Moses and the Exodus, probably because it never happened, and the Texans don't want us to know about Thomas Jefferson. Why? Why, because Thomas Jefferson was not an evangelical Christian. Jefferson variously called himself a "primitive Christian", meaning that he admired the teachings of Joshua Ben Joseph, whom we mistakenly call "Jesus", but rejected all supernatural Biblical events, including the resurrection. Jefferson was a man who was, in his words, "a sect unto myself, as far as I know". Jefferson, while president, took a razor blade to the Bible, and cut out everything he thought worthwhile, and threw away all the gratuitous violence and nonsense perpetrated by the Judeo-christian deity. He then reassembled the cream of the crop into what he called the Life and Morals Of Jesus of Nazareth", which we know today as "The Jefferson bible". A copy can be found in any good university library, or can be ordered from Smithsonian magazine. While slitting pages with the razor blade, he was asked what in the world he thought he was doing. The president replied: "I am extracting diamonds from a pile of dung". Yes, our third president and author of the Declaration of Independence did indeed call the Bible a pile of dung. But if you live in and attend school in Texas, you'll never know anything about it.