Enduring Lingering Pain, Nobly

REMMI, my beloved kitten (I call all cats "kittens", lovingly) died yesterday, as I believe, in my current state of muddled short term memory, I wrote about yesterday on this blog/website. (I call this site a "website", most people call it a "blog, which is probably more accurate, but not my preference.) The emotional pain lingers, and will not abate. My hope is that it does abate in the fullness of time; I am told that it may, or may not. The mind is a relentless taskmaster. Remmi was obviously suffering, obviously in pain, having, in recent days, found it increasingly difficult to move or eat. The vet said that she was experiencing kidney failure. "Putting her down" I believe the term is, was becoming the obvious need, the only recourse, the only merciful action to take. So, I took it. You seek and take comfort wherever you can find it. And, of course, one moves on. Always, the moving on stage arrives, as Einstein said, soon enough. It is difficult if not impossible to even remotely imagine what it must feel like for a human parent to suffer the death of a human child, of his or her own child. Difficult enough it is to see advertising on television for "St. Jude's" hospital. Now I know this: I am going to have to move on. And, at length, I will. In my deep recesses of mind I am fully aware that my fourteen year old indoor kitten (cat), Mandi, cannot possibly live much longer - even the extremely advanced age of twenty will arrive, in Einstenian terms, soon enough. One thing I do, which I would do anyway, is recite to myself a stanza in a poem by Theodore Roethke, "In A Dark Time". "My soul, like some heat maddened summer fly, keeps buzzing at the sill." Man, does it ever...Death is the fact of life, my father reminded me, when I was sixteen years old and one of my favorite uncles had died suddenly at the what seems to me now the "tender age" of fifty six. Thanks for the wisdom, dear father. Father went to heaven, or to his favorite gin joint in the sky, at the "tender age" of sixty eight. Now, at seventy one, all ages begin to seem tender to me. We do what we can to assuage our emotional pain, bless our hearts, and we struggle to move forward, if we are brave. Like Julius Caesar said: "A coward dies a thousand times, but a brave man only once." I love that quote; it ranks right up there with the best of them. WE must live our lives with meaning, purpose, courage, and dignity, to render them truly worthwhile. AS Voltaire said, "We must tend our gardens". WE must strive to improve ourselves,and the world, while we are here with the power and opportunity to do so. Oh, how I mourn for my beloved but gone for good Remmi, who brought fun and joy to my otherwise mundane life seven or so years ago, and never stopped doing so. Everyone who has ever loved a cat or a dog or a person or a memory completely understands my present pain and grief, and that further comforts me. It may be true that we never fully stop grieving for our "lost" beloved, our immortal beloved. Goethe said, as I quoted in earlier essays, that we are truly immortal, made so by the effects of our actions. True enough. Remmi is immortal, because she made me happy, the effect of her actions, of her existence. My memory of her will keep her alive forever, as our memories of our deceased parents keeps them alive in our hearts and minds, forever. Earthquakes are coming. We all know this. Earthquakes caused by humanity, and by nature. We must endure them, with nobility. "There is no situation which cannot be ennobled through achievement and endurance", said the great and wise Goethe. Remmi only died once, because she was a brave little girl, my brave baby girl. Let us all be a Julius Caesar of the soul. Let us all be brave, and honor our deceased immortal beloved, and keep them alive forever, through memory, love, and, God willing, God.