Getting It Together, American Style

OBAMACARE IS A TRAINWRECK. Surely by now we can all agree on that. And because of that, every republican and every conservative in America is calling for the elimination or complete overhaul of Obamacare. How surprising. Conservatives proudly exercising their usual automatic, knee jerk opposition to progress, quick judgment, righteous condemnation, and making much ado, spectacle, and political capital in the mainstream conservative media. But just a couple of quick points. One, whether something is a train wreck is not the same thing as whether it should be eliminated. The question is: is it a good idea, do we need it, and will it work? Secondly, everything that Americans have ever done has been a train wreck initially, then has straightened itself out, as we figured it out. Consider the founding of our beautiful country itself: out of the starting gate, fell flat on our collective ass. A complete trainwreck, with an innefective powerless central government. Had to start all over, and replace the "Articles of Confederation" with a stronger document. The Civil War started very badly for the eventual winners, and life in general started very badly for the civil war's most successful general; U.S. Grant, who shiftlessly tried and failed at many careers before finally finding his talent in the military. The United States got off to a slow start, to say the least, in World War Two, then got it together, and came on strong. Medicare and Medicaid were bureaucratic nightmares at first, just like Obamacre is now, but they both got straightened out, and proved to be among America's finest socialistic successes. Other great American socialistic successes include the highway and road system, the sewer systems across freedom's fragrant land, and the highly tauted American public schools. The United States of America is a country which can get behind, the catch up, fast. Obamacare has been law for over three years, and its imlementation has just begun. The system before Obamacare was indusputably unsatisfactory, and needed change. Let's give the change a chance, and if it doesn't work, try something else. Chances are any system we create will work in the long run, if we make it work. Did Edison and Ford give up, when things went bad at first? What IS the "American spirit" anyway? We can always eliminate Obamacare or change it, but let's wait until we have a chance to find out if it works.

Justin Bieber, & a brothel in Brazil

THE HIGHEST RANKING AMERICAN, (the most popular), Justin Bieber, verifiably paid a visit to a Brazilian brothel the other day, which is rather appropiate, since brothel visiting is among America's most popular pastimes.. This information was obtained by the National Security Agency, and leaked by Edward Snowden. Several large media corporations in New York claim to have uncovered this story, but don't believe it; once again, the ubiquitous American government, though its intelligence gathering apparatus, and its omniniscience, has proven its worth, proven once again that its real enemy is international terrorism. The seduction of Bieber by Brizilian brothel babes qualifies as "international terrorism", according to reputable, reliable well informed United States government sources, requesting anonymity. The nineteen year young American entertainment icon was spotted leaving said whore house, wrapped only in a bed sheet. Oh, how far we have come from the days when we beheld a sixteen year old Justin Bieber and a sixteen year old Miley Cyrus and thought they might mature as pure as Pat Boone and Annette Funicello. Times have certainly changed. Kids grow up so fast these days! Two swarthy long limbed lovely young ladies accompanied the Bieber out of the brothel, and into his awaiting vehicle, complete with bodyguards. Bieber is already quite popular throughout Latin America, and will likely become even more so now. One Brazilian "Bieber & brothel" fan said " we, like our north american neigobrs, like our singers and celebrities promiscuous, and the earlier they start, the better." A spokesperson for the National Security Agency pointed with pride to the efficient completion of the agency's work in Brazil, indicating that he humbly accepts, with pride, the gratitude the American people are certain to feel as they thumb through their daily dose of tabloid journalism. The NSA considers its "outing" of Justin Bieber to be among its greatest accomplishments, ranking alongside the effectve monitoring of every electronic communication in the world.

An Open Letter to the People of Russia (you too Mr. Putin)

Dear Friends; Now that the nefarious American Edward Snowden has been living among you for several months, perhaps you have had sufficient time to realize that you really do not wish him to remain in your beautiful country. By now you realize that he is a typical American: unprincipled, deceitful, greedy, and unable to stay out of everyone's business. The American people are ultimately responsible for Mr. Snowden, and should be held accountable for his actions; barging in on you without invitation, and expecting you to treat him hospitably. Very boorish behavior, you'll agree. We the American people are willing, in our newfound magnanimity, to "take him off your hands." We will provde the cost of transportation, and his departure from your great land will only save you the cost of feeding and housing him, and the inconvenience of monitoring his actions. Consider this a friendly warning and advice; admit as many Americans inside your lovely borders as you wish, but be careful how long you let them stay. They will soon exhibit the unalterable and anavoidable American tendency to sieze control of whatever they can within their grasp, and immediately begin to exploit it for their own personal gain. This phenomenon is variously called "upward mobility", "the American dream", and "American Exceptionalism", and is a dread disease to be avoided at all costs. If it ever infects your glorious intellectual culture, you will soon find yourself eating spicy chicken wings, wacthing narcissistic Americans compete to get the most votes from a nationwide audience favoring their meager singing and dancing abilities, and hearing something on radio called "rap", which is, in essence, rapid fire verbal drivel with rhythm. All this can be avoided merely by releasing Edward Snowden into American custody, that we who spawned him can be shackled with him. Hell, we'd even be willing to throw in a few orders of spicy chicken wings in trade, in the sincere corporate American belief that everything, including ridiculous and annoying food, should be shared equally. Sincerely, and without ulterior motive, your American friends

Snowden Keeps Giving, from Russia

EDWARD SNOWDEN IS THE GIFT that keeps on giving, from Russia, with love. Just when you think all his shocking revelations are revealed, there is more. It is becoming required reading for U.S. government studies. The United States surveillance community, which is huge, is joined together, alleges documents stolen and released by Snowden, with British intelligence, Australian, Canadian, and New Zealand spy agencies for some purpose, a purpose obvioulsy having little or nothing to do with dectecting and defeating terrorism, which, as you may or may not recall amid all this, is the stated purpose of the National Security Agency. The cooperative spy network is called project "Five Eyes", and consists of the world's five English speaking predominantly anglo nations. Are we talking about a white racist international spy network here? One can hope not, amid vanishing hopes. President Obama, and all the other "anglo" leaders staunchly deny that the network is intended for anything other than fighting terrorism, but strong evidence suggests otherwise. Ironically, Canada, New Zealand, and Austrailia have all disavowed American imperialism in the past, and have portrayed themselves as being above imperialism and international intrigue. Now they seem to be joining the fun, perhaps for national enrichment. Third world countries in Africa and Asia which have abundant but as yet undeveloped natural resources appear to be the targets of economic espionage. Obama recently ordered the NSA to stop spying on the World Bank, which would appear to belie his assertion that only terrorist activity is being targeted for surveillance. Former vice president Dick Cheney is more forthright. He mildly reminds us that awareness of global economic conditions in intimate detail is part and parcel of America's intelligence gathering activities. Ho Hum. So there you have it. The best way to get the truth is to talk to retired people, who no longer have a job to loose. Snowden hinself wrote a letter to the American government, from Russia, asking for clemency. It seems he is homesick. We could have told thim that would happen, and that he should have thought of that before committing treason. IN his letter, Snodewn makes the ridiculous claim that "it is no crime to tell the truth." Boy, does he ever have a lot to learn. Where was he raised, anyway? In America, and probably in Russia, telling the truth is the worst crime one can commmit. If it weren't, a few of us might do it once in a while. He's far better off remaining in Russia, where his confinement, though perhaps a bit oppressive, is far less restrictive than it could ever again be back home.

Defunding, Defending Food Stamps

THE UNITED STATES HOUSE of Representatives could arguably, in its current composition, be called "deranged" even on its best day, but has now outdone itself in meaningless madness. Last Thursday it voted, by about a ten vote margin, to leave food stamps out of the new fram bill, and thus, the federal budget. That's right, leaving out food stamps, all forty seven billion dollars of them, roughly. This is not a cut, this is a complete defunding. AS you might suppose, all of the votes to defund food stamps came from republicans, and all the votes against defunding the program came from democrats, plus ten intrepid, tea party defying republicans. Conservatives, up to their usual tricks, following in the fateful footsteps of John Boehner. As if republicans in congress aren't unpopular enough already. Boehner and his ultra conservative ilk must have a political death wish. There is no way in hell this can possibly stand up in the Senate, which has thus far avoided descendining into derangement, knock on wood; food stamps will be funded fully, after the usual attention seeking political fight. Otherwise, about one seventh of the American people will rise up in rebellion. Food stamp benefits were just recently cut back, as both democrats and republicans in both houses refused to negate temporary increases which expired automatically. The funny thing is, according to reliable studies, many of the people on food stamps call themselves "republicans". True, many more democrats than republicans use food stamps, which figures, because most poor people are democrats. But the republicans are in line too, and if you could interview all forty seven million Americans on food stamps, you might be amazed at how many of them have a compelling and convincing story to tell as to why, and, in most cases, it has nothing to do with laziness, stupidity, or bad personal decisions. Equally interesing is that half of the people on food stamps describe themselves as "conservatives", and half "liberal". Conservatives who are in need do not seem to let their devotion to the self sufficient values of conservatism stop them from seeking and accepting the government help they need. One way or another, the delusional folks in congress will come to their senses; the conservatives in congress are simply having a tantrum over losing the battle of Obamacare, and the fear of losing political power always outweighs party principles.

Punishing the TEA Party

AN ANONYMOUS SOURCE, requesting anonymity on the grounds that failing to do so would most likely result in his or her untimely demise at the hands of the federal government, is claiming that the Internal Revenue Service has been targeting not only tax exempt conservative and tea party "public service" organizations, but also individuals who belong to those political action committees (PACS). The IRS seems to hold a grudge against right wing political fanatics who gang up and pose as public service organizations simply to avoid paying taxes. By auditing the members of such groups, on an individaul by individual basis, the IRS feels that its basic purpose can be achieved, legally, for a change. That purpose is to confiscate as much tax payer money as possible from the American people, and to punish ultra conservatives for dodging taxation. A spokeshuman for the IRS denied all such allegations, insisting that the fact that every person in the U.S. currently being audited by the IRS happens to be an ultra consrvative TEA party republican is purely coincidental. The anonymous source making the accusations against the IRS and providing this information claims to be a former employee of the Internal Revenue Service, and an active member of the TEA party, the Republican party, the John Birch society, the Klan, and the Rush Limbaugh Fan Club. The TEA party advocates eliminating all entitlement programs, and reducing or eliminating taxes on the wealthy. It also favors the defunding of public schools, and forcing God, the Christian God, back into public schools. Surveys indicate that approximately one percent of the American people take the TEA party seriously, but about ten percent belong to it.

Capturing the Traitor Snowden, Dead or Alive

THE UNITED STATES Department of State announced today that an ad hoc joint military S.W.A.T. special forces team had entered Russian territory with the assignment of locating and bringing to justice self exiled alleged treasonous traitor Edward Snowden, dead or alive. The operation, variously termed "Operation Snowed Under", and "Osama Bin Laden Redux" reportedly involved three Huey helicopters full of guns, ammo, and guys wearing all black, with black and green painted faces. The choppers were scheduled to fly off the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan, floating in the Black Sea. The National Security Agency said it had located Snowden at a computer & vodka sampling club meeting between Moscow and St. Petersburg, using standard surveillance and monitoring techniques, the kind normally used within the United States itself. Sitting side by side, Sec. of State John Kerry and ex-sec of state Hillary Rodham Clinton read a joint statement, invoking the memory of Jimmy Carter, and the failed but gallant rescue attempt of several dozen American hostages from the clutches of Iranian student radical right wing hippies in 1980. Secretary Kerry proclaimed "Obama got Osama, and big O gonna holden Snowden." Russian Premier, President, Chief Executive, and Prime Director Vladimir Putin expressed concerns concerning the American military invasion of his country, saying that he considered it to be a consumate act of poor ettiquette, and that such blatant rudeness is difficult to accept, without some future financial concessions being made by the invader to the invadee. Reports of an impending deal involving Putin, the United States Treasury Department, and investment firm Morgan Chase are circulating among mainstream American paparazzinic media. Putin expressed his fervant hope that Snowden will evade the " imperialist Yankee kidnappers", and seemed confident that he indeed would, "out there in the wolf infested wilderness" between Moscow and the rest of the world. The Russian military emphatically implied that if the American invasion force were any stronger, and America's history of cuch operations any less incompetent, there would be cause for genuine concern, but as of now, is adopting a "wait and see" mentality.

Spongebob Squarepants;On Top in Bikini Bottom

DAYLIGNT SAVINGS TIME is over, fall has fallen heavily upon us, and in areas fortunate enojgh to have deciduous trees, the colorful leaves are regrettably leaving the trees. Last but not least, the fall television schedule is well underway, and by now the highly discerning American public has formed its own ideas about what will sell, and what will not. The best sight is a small quaint town lined with ornamental maples, surrounded by wooded hills with slightly more subdued, natural fall colors. And the best show on television, for the twentieth year in a row, or whatever, is "Spongebob Squarepants". Hands down, no competition. That may well be a scathing indictment of American television, or American culture, but, as we like to say these days, it is what it is. How many television programs provide an insightful examination of human nature, and a persuasive portrayal of American culture, all inside a fast paced, hilarious story involving lovable, compelling characters? One, that I can see. Spongebob. The magic formula is that a bunch of off the wall creative liberals somehow got past the conservative corporate front gate, and got jobs as script writers and graphic artists creating the show. Right under the noses of our conservative corporate masters, Spongebob Squarepants exudes liberal, anti-corporate- elite values. It may be that the top three or four TV shows in the U.S.A. are all intended for children, if so, that makes a strong statement about American cultural values, and those are hard to find. Or maybe it makes a strong statement about the literacy level of the average American. But I digress. For the uninitiated, Spongebob lives in a pineapple at the bottom of the ocean, in a town named "Bikini Bottom". He is everyman, a poor working stiif who though generally unaware of larger social trends around him, nonetheless finds wisdom within, and ceaseless compassion and positive attitude. His employer is a corporate monster, perpetually at war with the corporate monster across the street. Spongebob is an innocent victim of all this, who actually pays his employer for the privilege of serving as his indentured servant. The most intelligent characters in the show are all arrogant, narcissistic, and cruel. All the little people are intellectually challenged, Spongebob and his friends, but good hearted, and they come out on top in the end. So will you, soon as you tune in to Spongebob Squarepants, and tune out most of the other shows.

Gay Rights at Long Last?

IF YOU'RE NOT SITTING DOWN, grab a seat. When you go into shock, its better to not hit your head on the floor. It appears that some rebublicans are starting to accept gay people! Starting to accept gay people as human beings,rather than mentally ill or morally bankrupt perverts. Some republicans are becoming tolerant, but not many. So far, no right wingers are on board, only moderate republicans like Senators Susan Collins and Olympia Snow. But at least its a start. The Employment Non Discrimmination Act (ENDA) is going to pass the democratically controlled Senate by a wide margin, the only problem is, it is likely to be ignored or voted down in the republican dominated House of Representatives. In the past ten or fifteen years, the attitude of the American people, and the Americna government has changed fundamentally. NO longer is half the country opposed to basic civil rights for homosexuals. Now, only about a third of the country is, and hey, that's progress.Just the other day the first ever male gay wedding at West Point took place, of all places. If that bastion of traditional masculinity can accept it, so can the rest of us! And make no mistake; the politicians are changing because the American people are changing, not the other way around. People over the age of fifty can remember when virtually nobody spoke out in support of equal rights for gays; homosexuality was considered so filthy, so horribly wrong, that we were all afraid to even think about it, or admit that it really existed. Senator Collins pointed out that nowadays, with more and more openly gay people, Americans are finding out that gay people are our neighbors, our friends, our colleagues, our family members. Hell, we could have figured that out fifty years ago, but, well, in certain ways, Americans are not always the sharpest tool in the tool shed. Whereas it is now illegal to hire or fire based on race, gender, or religion, it is still perfectly legal to do so based on sexual orientation, strangely enough. But, with a little luck and cooperation from our conservative colleagues, that will soon change. Right wing groups such as the American Council of Families are already out with inane, insipid excuses to oppose gay rights; ENDA would give special treatment to gays, it would encourage lawsuits, alter workplace culture, infringe on religious rights, and such bullshit. At long last, we are on the verge of equality.

Miley Cyrus and Me; taking a step down

SOME OF US, SEEING the current version of the Miley Cyrus extravaganza, look wistfully back at the days of Hanna Montana. Had to be one of the cutest tevevision shows ever. And just think, no violence, no sex, funnier than hell, charming. Good family entertainment. With or without the blonde wig, it worked. Miley and daddy had a great chemistry which, combined with a hilarious script, kept you smiling, even if you happen to be an adult.The sad thing about children television and movie stars is that they have to grow up. As Miley moved from fifteen on towards eighteen, I dreaded the inevitable, and now its come to pass. I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think that Miley's behavior over the past few months, all the changes in hair style, the clothing, the dancing, the dancing without clothing, is nothing other than her attempt to remain in the spotlight, to remain relevant, after a childhood never being out of the light. As if celebrity is a habit, which is hard to break, or a drug, hard to kick. She's really a good songwriter, singer, and actor. Billy Ray Cyrus defended his daughter in her recent sexy dancing controversy. Good for him. I would defend her too. Like Paul MccArtney said, what's the big deal? Still, when she was younger, when she was Hannah, the rapore between daddy and baby girl was obvious, refreshing, honest, and heartwarming. Somehow, you sense all that's gone now. She could probably get all kinds of jobs, all kinds of opportunites in singing, songwriting, and acting areas; but such opportunities might involve less camera time, less front and center, and more back in the pack with all the other singer songwriter acting wannabe people. Taking a step down in terms of fame, power, or money, even temporarily, even for a worthy cause, is a hard sacrifice for the fragile human ego to make. And as we all know, the most fragile of egos belong to celebrities.

Cutting Food Stamps: Robin Hood In Reverse

MY 93 YEAR OLD MOTHER brushes off congestive heart failure like dust on a dish, gets in her car, and goes to vote in any and every piddly little local election, including the American Presidential. She thinks its a citizen's obligation to vote, to exercise a privilege many do not have. Everything my mom says she says several times, which sometimes motivates me to respond. Voting is not really so much a privilege, its an inalienable right. Whether or not the right to vote is granted by man,it is granted by God. At least, that's the dubious logic upon which America was founded. People have the right to vote, or to not vote. It could be argued that those who don't vote, who don't care enough to vote, are actually doing the country a favor by letting those who care make the decisions. America was never intended to be a popular democracy, but rather, a representative republic. The smart superior people represent us less intelligent, less knowing, for our own good. America's politicians; her best and brightest, obviously more qualified to rule than the rest of us! The late great Gore Vidal pointed out that the one half of the American people who don't bother to vote may indeed be the brightest, bright enough to understand that their vote is meaningless, and why. We have a one party system in America, the party of property protection, the party of the status quo. Obama is another corporate man, disguised as a champion of the poor. How well we all disguise ourselves as "champions of the poor" in America! The currently taking effect reduction in the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program, SNAP, (food stamps) is a disaster for forty seven million Americas, but the democrats cut food stamps every bit as much as the republicans did, in fact, more than the republicans wanted to. America's ruling class; taking from the poor, and giving to the rich. Robin Hood in reverse.

Cutting Food Stamps, Rediscovering America's Roots

THERE ARE FORTY SEVEN MILLION FOOD STAMP recipients in the United States, more than one of every seven Americans. In the land of the very wealthy and the very poor, those in the middle are headed one way or the other. During the great recession which began about five years ago and never really seems to have ended, food stamp recipients were given an increase in allocation, but this expired just recently. As of now, the average recipient can get about four dollars a day worth of food using food stamps, or about the value of one meal from the McDonalds dollar menu. One wonders how such a wealthy country can possibly have such a huge lower class. Upon further reflection and a little historical research, one realizes that the United States has always been a nation with a huge lower class, a huge hard working class of people in poverty, despite their labors. In paying our attention to the great and famous, as we study history, and study the world around us, these poor millions are not often highlighted. Four million African slaves are freed after the Civil War, then they seem to just sort of vanish. Native Americans move westward ahead of the teeming European throngs, and then just disapper into the distance. Before the civil War anywhere from twenty five to fifty percent of adults in America were "indentured servants", in essence, white slaves, but only for seven years. Where have they gone? OH! Wait! They're the folks whose food stamp allotments just got cut back.

Kardashians Kall It Kwits

KIMMIE AND CLOE KARDASHIAN, citing advice from their spiritual gurus and attorneys, have decided, in a joint announcement, to abandon their current lifestyle of frivolous prefabricated fame, and to become productive, and anonymous. Unidentified sources indicate that this decision on the part of the reality television superstars stems from recent complications resulting from their fame, including lawsuits, jilted suitors, and unwanted personal publicity. "Both girls want to do more with their lives than merely parading their hot bodies around in front of a lust crazed American public, and living lives of fabrictdaed drama", their spokesperson, attorney, and spiritual guru was reported to've said. Kimmie recently announced her intention of withdrawing from the public spotlight, devoting the rest of her life to community service, and abandoning all hopes of remaing young, beautiful, sexually attractive, and hence marketable in America, forever. Chloe Kardashian sees herself as a potential contriubtor to fundamental human intellectual endeavor, perhaps in the area of physics, where she hopes that, with a little formal education, she might complete the unfinisehd work of Einstein. The American people seem generally to be amenable to this unexpected turn of events. We're tired of tawdry corporate culture, with its shallow, superfical sex, being shoved down our throats like masters feeding placidly obedient sheep, the American people seem to be saying. Let the Kardashians fulfill their true intellectual potential, and let us do the same, for once. Thus seem to be saying the American people, albeit silently.

Michael Jackson Season

HALLOWEEN IS OVER, and Michael Jackson season has come to an end. Michael Jackson season? Yes, for real. Michael Jackson season is a rather new institution in America. It starts on June 25, the anniversary of his death, and continues through, and culminates with, Halloween. It consists of a never ending array of tributes, parties, impersonators, parades, and finally, the big Mmichael Jackson costume blow out on Halloween itself. After Halloween, its all over, and the off season begins, during which preparations are made for the following year. Each year plans are laid for a bigger sesaon nest year. Its becoming big money. You might not've even known of the existence of Michael Jackson season. Now you do. You'd probably want to add it to your list of "only in America" kinds of things. Michael was and is beloved the world over, but only in America is there a "Michael Jackson season", at least, so far. And just think, its still only been a few years since his death. This thing has a chance to grow, and really become big. Could it someday supplant Christmas as the longest and most lavish holiday season of the year? Probably not, but, as they say, one never knows. You also have to admire anyone who can do a good impersonation of Michael; he was truly one of kind, and hard to duplicate, you would think. Yet the field seems to be fairly crowded with good ones. One must be tall, slender, and be able to dance as well as sing, and do it quite well. Any handsome dude with thick, well combed dark hair and a deep voice can do a passable Elvis, but Michael is on another level. In a country where we erect monuments to celebrities, especially those who entertain us, which means essentially all celebrities, for a celebrity to have a season is truly impressive, if not particularly surprising.

Angry, and In a Hurry

HAVE WE MADE ANY PROGRESS finding out what motivated our most recent school mass murders? Or have we already forgotten about them, preferring to direct our attention to the future, and whatever excitement it holds? For a few days following one of our gunfire spectacles, the media is frenzied with rumors and hints, then, just before discovery, all traces vanish, the new having worn off. Privacy laws take over, and what was really going on in the mind of the latest forteen year old mass murderer remains locked away, forever. Something is always going on. Teenagers do not spontaneously take up arms and randomly plug away. Usually, it involves bullying, but we prefer, for some strange reason, to conceal this in a murky cobweb of speculation about the trigger kid's mental state. Some people are just plain sick. Leave it at that, and move on. Are we really trying to understand our national epidemic of school violence, or are we merely engaged in a witch hunt for perverts, misfits, unnacptables? And by so doing, are we engaging in our own form of bullying, and obscuring the fact that our epidemic is deeply rooted to something inside us all? To accept bullying as the cause is to accept that there is a cause beyond the dysfunctional emotions of the trigger kid, with its horrible unacceptable implication that there might be something wrong with our society at large, something wrong with the rest of us "good people". Like, maybe we live in a culture of bullying? Not long ago some high school football team beat some other high school football team 91-0, and there were charges of bullying, "scoreboard bullying" or some such. Some women's right advocacy groups are now defining bullying as estranged husband using logic in an argument. So it isn't like we aren't trying. Its just that we do not yet know how to come to terms with what we really are. If we ever arrive at an understanding of what "bullying" really is, it is likely to include so many of our daily activities that we can no longer bear the sight of ourselves, or what we discover about ourselves. Don't lok now there is a forty thousand dollar SUV five feet from my rear bumper, doing fifty, and don't look now, but the driver appears to be a mainstream upper middle class all American lady, very good looking, but angry, and in a hurry.