Singing Alone

LONG AGO, so long ago that it has receded into antiquity, lost amid the mists of time, I was steadfastly engaged in the process of self exploration, in search of my "true" religiosity, and of God. This was before I settled comfortably into Spinozan Jeffersonian Einsteinian pantheistic deism. To that end I joined a Christian gospel singing group, correctly thinking myself quite open minded. I had actually discarded devout Christianity by the third grade, realizing that I preferred the teachings of Jesus unfiltered to what I consider and still cosnider the bizarre dogmatic doctrine of the formal organized Christian religion. I agree with Kant, who said: "The death of dogma is the birth of morality." Both Buddhism and Taosim, philosophies rather than dogma, I find far superior, intellectually and morally, to any religion whose God issues harsh orders from heaven. Plus, the demographics are clear and present: The more intelligent and better educated the individual, the less tendency to be traditionally, dogmatically religious, the greater the tendency to be more progressive. I have always enjoyed singing, usually alone, unaccompanied by people or karaoke machines. Intrepidly, openmmindedly, I betoook myself to singing in a small gospel group, a group which, with all due artistic respect, seemed to need some help of the baritone sort. This, despite the often in my view barbaric disgusting content of gospel songs, songs about washing away sin with blood, and about the glory of having one's sins forgiven because a good person was tortured to death, and such. Openmindedness matters. I made it through the bloody sin songs by humming along and, in extreme circumstances, lip synching. Early Christians, including the unknown authors of the four selected gospels were confused and conflicted about whether Jesus was human, God, both, or neither. Everyone had their opinion. Jesus himself was quite clear about it, but, as is often the case, his wishes were ignored. Goethe said it best: "Pure was jesus in his passion, in his heart but one God serving. Who of him a god would fashion, from his sacred will is swerving." Ignoring the wishes of Jesus, on we sang, I blending in better with increasing lyrical familiarity and practice. We took turns choosing; I always chose "How Great Thou Art" because of its non-dogmatic lyrics, and wide applicability. This joyful song expresses what I think is the only religious sentiment worthy of expression: admiration and appreciation. The fact that I am a non-christian gradually made its way, irrevelantly I think, into the minds of my singing companions, whose increasingly unfriendly demeanor towards me motivated me to limit my term as a member of a gospel singing group, which I would have done anyway, my not being a fan of either most gospel music nor of singing with groups. For all they know I was using the experience to move closer to Christian convictions, which in fact I was, but obviously they didn't know much, nor care to. Einstein, who knew a great deal, said it best: "My religiosity consists of humble admiration of the infinitely superior spirit which reveals itself in what little we...can comprehend of reality". Need one ever say or sing more?