Changing Course

Catherine Coldstream did not grow up wanting and planning to become a nun. Far from it. She was raised by intelligent parents and given all possible educational opportunities, and she chose music. Her intllectual creativity and unique mindset led her towards experimental forms of music. She lived in Paris for a time, where whe took full advantage of the cultural advantages offered by the city. Then, when she was twenty four, her father, the guiding light of her life, died suddenly. She was utterly devasted, to the point of not having any motivation to continue her dirdection in life. She new she needed a drastic change, of some kind. In dealing with her grief, she turned to religion and philosophy, and came to believe that her life needed to take a religious turn, and be devoted to the faith. She entered a nunnery, and stayed for several years. She adjusted repidly to monastic life, knowing what to expect, having been aware of some of its characteristics in advance. But,she never really fit in, and the nun's life,though she rigorously adhered to its strict regimen, never really suited her. Over time, she came to realize this. At one point she actually ran away, but returned, then, later, left permanently by pursuing the established, appropriate, proper process. She wrote a fascinating book about the whole experience, titled "Cloistered: My Years As A Nun". Coldstream is an excellent, talented writer, and would make a great literary novelist. Her narrative of daily life among the nuns, monotonous and austere, and uneventful though it was, she renders fscinating, especally in describing her inner, emotional reactions to the circumstances of her radically different life. She grew to appreciate the materially simple life, to value silence and introspection, as well as self discipline, service, and duty. She sensed her growth as a person. But ultimately the spartan life became burdensome, too bereft of creativity or artistic expression, intellectually stifling. She said that during all this, she felt as if her artistic talent and intellectual gifts were being shunned, overlooked, unappraciated. Life in the nunnery had been one of cold impersonal contact and near complete silence, deprived of all normal human warmth and love. She missed that, and felt herself withering, emotionally. One must assume that before entering the nunnery, Ms.Colsdtream had given thought to the probability that she would not be entering a world replete with song, dance, art, and individual creativity, where her talents would be celebrated, appreciated, and encouraged. After she left, her adjustment back into the mainstream world was a bit difficult. She had grown so accustomed to her nun's life that the outside world seemed unbearably noisy, chaotic, nervous, and mainstream culture seemed frivolous, crass, and blashpemous. Her renewed freedom of movement, routine, and activity she soon became pleasantly reaccustomed to, however. And, although for a long time she tended to avoid conversations or relationships with people, this too gradually returned to pre-nun normal, overtime. She had not been cured of religion, however. She entered college, and studied theology. Nearly everyone could probably benefit from spending a small protion of hie or her life in a monastic setting and lifestyle. But only for a time. To devote one's entire life to it would deprive anyone of too much life, culture, and humanity, and would not give enough in return.