Our Exciting Lives in the United States of Amassacre

AND SO, IN OUR LATEST EPISODE of "American Mass Extermination" (AME), the chosen victims were given a short quiz up front, just to make things more interesting. A pre-apocalyptic personal exam, one final shot at self expression, so to speak. "Are you a Christian?" each involuntary applicant was asked. those who answered affirmatively were summarily sent to their chosen promised land, aka heaven ,by the shooter, impersonating God. Smart ass Intellectual equivocating, of the sort that usually gets you sent to hell by mainstream American Christians, merited a mere slug in the leg this time around. sometimes Jehovah takes Isaac, sometimes Yahweh takes the ram. Out Judea christian God, capitalism, and the second amendment harmonize beautifully, with only a bit of tweaking, here in the conservative end of the United States of Amassacre. We must all be wondering what we would have said, how we would have been graded. Isn't that the point? Now is the time for all good Americans to bear arms! goes the conservative Christian capitalistic chant, mindlessly droning. The fly in the ointment is: Every mass murderer was once a good person. All future mass murderers are currently good people. Plus, of course; all Americans are about half crazy by nature, and should never be allowed to carry weapons, let alone be out on the street unattended. I would have stood there, I swear, and started talking about pantheism, Einstein, deism, and Jefferson until the erstwhile shooter either fell asleep, dropped his weapon and ran away screaming, or engaged in an interesting debate with me. Either way, I would have saved the day, without ever firing a weapon or brandishing one, other than my wild, incomprehensible intellect. Or at least I might've had a chance to survive, but hell, I'll talk to anybody. In our two most recent installments, a pretty young journalist was blown away on live TV, and the Christian faith itself was targeted, both by previously good people with solid records of prior good behavior.; how beautifully, commercially American! But..what to do for an encore...render weapons unto us all, carry, conceal, or reveal! Let the games begin for real...