Three Republican Presidential Candidates In One

TEXAS SENATOR Ted Cruz, Florida Senator Marco Rubio, and Wisconsin governor Scott Walker are all seeking the republican nomination for president of the United States. Ostensibly, three handsome suit and tie guys with thick, dark, neat hair, they are actually one and the same. The same person, projected holographically, using advanced computer technology to project the desired image to whatever location whereat he happens to be needed at any given time for the advancement of conservative causes and his fame, status, and political career. Marco Rubio Walker Cruz. Some kinda guy. One person, three names. Divide and conquer, eggs in different baskets. A political verion of the batman-superman-Sybil multiple personality syndrome. It works like a charm; when delegate counting time comes around, the three images can coalesce into a single, ultra conservative entity, scooping up support from all components of the far right; Tea partiers, the Christian Coalition, libertarian atheist gun toters, free marketeer profiteers, and all other loose conservative cannons. The corporate jet is always on the tarmac, fully fueled and ready to fly. A seventeen percent flat tax rate, lumping Bill Gates and Warren Buffet together with millions of minimum wage burger flippers in a fantastic version of financial fairness. And why not privatize social security? Isn't the stock market the very bastion of America's poor, always up, up, and away? Who could fail to appreciate? When the GOP debates begin, and all forty seven right wing wing nuts start ripping one another to shreds, a cleverly computed hologram will divide Rubio Walker Cruz into three, like Caesar did in Gaul. They shall all banter the same, stale baloney, as if they were the first to suggest that American government get out of the way of the wealthy, that the wealthy might enrich us all. Ronald reagan redux, without the simplistic metaphors, we hope. Rand Paul, meanwhile, will be forced to choose which third person to attack first; the one wearing the lapel flag pin, perhaps? Sarah Palin is fortunate to not be involved. It would only confuse her.