Staying in the Spotlight, While having Fun in Russia

Q:How many members of congress does it take to figure out why some crazy people tried to murder a bunch of innocent people?

A; Six, plus Steven Seagal, and an all expenses paid, tax payer funded, luxury visit to Russia

A DELEGATION  consisting of six members of congress, and action figure actor steven seagal, has flown first class to russia in order to find out why, towards the end of last month's boston marathon, a couple of adult children from the former soviet republic of chechnya tried to kill everybody. As if anybody needs to go to russia for that.

Hint; the bombers were islamic, angry, and alienated from american and bostonian society, as if a trip to russia, or anywher else , is neccesary to explain it, or could ever offer any valuable clues. Who in his or her right mind is NOT alienated from american and bostonian mainstream society, right? 

But, as we well know, no member of the united states congress, house or senate, ever missed an opportunity for a swanky public relations building vacation at tax payer expense, and for that purpose, any reason is a good reason.

Famed actor steven seagal was an absolutely necessary ingredient for the vacation, because he has connections in russia, as if high ranking representatives of the american government require chaperonic connections in order to introduce them to foreign governments.

Stevn, whose movies are positvely enthralling and entertaining, if a bit violenty hyperbolic, is just the sort of guy to attract a few more cameras and media coverage, fulfulling the unending american appetite for vicarious stardom, and spruce up the junket a bit, facial celebrity-wise. And besides, with him along, nobody has to take any crap from anybody, big steve can kick butt.

ALONG for the ride is retiring rep barbara bachman, who just can't seem to bow out of the limelight without one final grand exit, Celebrity is addictive, they say. Did she sit next to seagal in flight , gazing into those strong eyes, discussing anti terrorism measures?

The big issue seems to be whether the crazy kids got the idea for bomb making while still living in the former soviet union, or in america, as if it matters. Gotta have a pretext to spend millions of working american's dollars on champagne, luxury jets, and caviar. According to republicans, ever deflecting blame from mainstream american culture, the two kids got their bright idea in russia, according to cavorting democrats, it happened after they had come to america. Gotta disagree on something!

the russians say they have no idea, but they are happy and honored to have an americn actor and hero of such renown on their ancient soil. Even russians need a good dose of celebrity spotlight now and again.