Hiding Beneath My Desk, Again

ACCORDING TO THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION, there are three federal crimes: piracy, counterfitting, and treason. IN reality, of course, in our day and age, there are something like forty thousand federal crimes, all brought into existence since september 17, 1787, the day our constitution took affect.

Back in the day criminals, bank robbers and gangsters like  al capone would merely move from state to state to avoid apprehension and prosecution; whatever crime had been committed in one state mattered not at all in another. My hometown of joplin, missouri, close to three other states, was a veritable depression era haven for the gangsters down from chicago. then came the era of the FBI, and the greatly expanded federal criminal code.

First, alcohol was perfectly legal in america. then it wasn't, then it was again, all carefully documented by our lengthening, overworked constitution. First, marijuana was perfectly legal, then it wasn't, now it appears that it will soon be again; stay tuned; federal ciminality is an ever changing melodrama, and the excitement lay in guessing what will become illegal next.

The frequent complaint about the growth of government is not at all unfounded. ON the day of his death, abraham lincoln signed into law the creation of the secret service; one day too late to help himself. He was guarded at ford's theatre by a single sleeping man, armed with a pistol.

Today we the american people are saddled with at least sixteen intelligence gathering agencies, and since september 11, 2001, forty to fifty billion dollars a year has been added to the federal spy budget. And as of a few days ago, we know where much of it is used; in spying on us, the american people.

Just as world war two inspired the extablishment of the united states as a permanent national security state, permanently on a war time military footing, always ready, semper fi, armed to the teeth, always provided with some police action somewhere in the world to keep the monster well fed, so too the attack on the world trade center inspired america to become a permanent national intelligence police state, trusting no one, even its own good citizens.

Heaven forbid that some foreign country, say, mexico, should inadvertantly send a platoon of trainees across the rio grande on training maneuvers; we might all find ourselves in uniform daily, spouting belligerent slogans, saluting the flag incessantly, marching up and down the streets of our hometowns under the supervision of a "federal local military governor".

those of us over the age of fifty can nostalgically, ruefully recall cowering beneath our wooden grade school desks, practicing for safe protection from the russian atomic bombs which could begin falling at any minute, but miraculously never did.

In third grade i wondered how in hell my wooden desk could adequately protect me from russian bombs, just as now i wonder how in hell the government can protect me and my countrymen from foreign terrotists by listening to my phone conversations, as i greet my elderly mother, make plans to play tennis, or make small talk with a potential date.

I never got any answers then, and I certianly don't expect to now. My only choice is to keep my mouth shut, and talk softly into my cell phone, careful to say nothing in the least inflammatory. I should be all right; I did a helluva a good job of hiding beneath my desk in third grade.