Preferring Admiration

I RANG THE BIG BELL five times, as usual,five minutes before the service, and went to my seat. Same pew, same place, as always. I was alone. As always, I was eager to begin. I started going to church about eight months ago, arter sixty nine years of not going, and I aint lookin' back. Brenda, one of our congregation of twelve, came in and sat down, across the small quaint church. We spoke. She's a nice lady. The chat reached the point where I said: "I'm not religious, but I belong here". Which is true. I know it is, as nobody elee possibly could or can. I also said that Jesus is the way, I believe in and love God, and that I am a "pantheist". I broke the word down for her, mentioned Spinoza and Einstein, and stopped. I suggested she google it. Google is god. Google knows all. Seek Google. She suggested that I really am religious, and just don't know it, because I sound like I'm religious when I talk. I reassured her that I am not, and said that religion has more to do with doctrine and dogma than basic love of and belief in Jesus and God, my ideal of Jesus and God, not yours. Doubtful for a few minutes, at the end, I think she was on board, if barely. How could I not be a true believer, I guess, since am here, and sound like I am? Its basically the same service every Sunday, and I like it, as do I think all twelve of us. Yes, we need new members. No, you don't have to be Christian to attend, and enjoy a Christian church, although there might come a time, if, just hypothetically, thosuands of people like me, "non believers" started flocking into churches all across America's fruited plain, spoiling the broth, diluting the message, or, as Donald Trump says, "poisoning the blood, the true pure Christian blood of the true Christian (Trumpist) believers, or course. Such an unholy infux might eventually change the religion itself, change the basic nature of the Christian religion, by the influence of many new people and many new ideas. Unless, of course the church sniffs out the "conspiracy", the trend, early, and kicks out the heretics,people like me. If so, then so be it. If the Christian church would rather stagnate and commit suicide than evolve and thrive,that's fine with me. That is how religions evolve, live, and die...all religions. For me, its the message that counts, wherever it comes from. Often many things I dislike about religion and the Christian religion in particular, and trust me there are many things I dislike and despise about Christianity and religion in general,it is this: that religious folks, especially Christians and Moslems,tend to, indeed even universially do...worship God. Quite simply, I do not like the concept of "worship". I don't much like the reailty of it either, so, I don't do it. I don't worship, God, or anything else. To me, worship is an ectreme state of mind, like raod rage or falling in love, and all such self inflicted victims should therefore proceed with extreme caution, avoid letting it get out of control, avoid letting it control one, and avoid becoming a victim of any of thoese extreme emotional states of mind, in as much as possible. Worship might and probably does have a purpose, but that doesn't mean that it should be encourged, praised, and valued, and demanded, any more than should be road rage and falling in love. Worship, in a sense, and in reality, is a form of insanity, just like the other two. Pleasant insanity, maybe, but insanity nonetheless. Nor do I like fear, as in "God fearing". More insanity, it seems to me, to ba avoided not encouraged and inculcated. Let's love and admire God, but lettuce snot fear him, or her, or it. Always eschew insanity. But what to replace it with? Admiration, admiration and love, that's what. So... Here's my religion, the religion of Spinoza and Einstein: "My religiosity consists in humble admiration of the infinitely superior spirit which reveals itself in what little we, with our weak and transitorty understsanding, can comprehend of reality. I cannot conceive of a personal God who would sit in judgment over creatures of his own creation. Morality is of the utmost importance, to mankind, but not for God.", And, from Goethe: "It is beyond me how anyone can believe that God speaks to us in books and stories. If the world does not directly reveals itself to us, and if our hearts do not tell us what we owe ourselves and others, then we will most certainly not learn these things from books, which, at best, are designed only to give names to our mistakes. There you have it. My sacred scripture. See you in church!