Evolving the Language, Evangelically

FACEBOOK, the "go to" source for irreverant humor aimed at religion, has given me another new twist. Introducing the newest word in the lexicon of blasphemy: "evangenitals". Defined as "One with an inordinate interest on the part of conservative evangelical Christians concerning the precise sexual content of another person's underwear", this more one millionth word in the much hybrid English language well might, ultimately, take its place in Webster's unabridged along with other recent add ons such as "aint", and "irregardless". One must bear in mind that a word becomes a word when someone invents it, uses it, other people learn to like it, begin using it prolifically, and, wala!, it gets printed up, fomally, after a vote taken among a highly secretive group of grammarian guardians somewhere high in the mountains of Switzerland, so go the conspiracy theories. My high school English teacher, now eighty, whom I adored fifty years ago and still do, posted on Facebook a list of oft misused and abused words. Among them he included "irregardless", insisting that the proper word is "regardless". Well, maybe so. But, maybe not. Lookit; I have heard the word "irregardless" uttered so often that, at some point,it must surely gain admittance, if only by virtue of its frequent, redundant use among the masses. That, in a nutshell, is how its done. A language, any language except French, evolves slowly but steadily over the centuries by the way people choose to use it. Language, any language except French, which is an art museum, is a tool. A hammer becomes a hammer when it hammers. What I intend to do is to use the word "evangenital" so often and blashphemously, with or without help, that it too insinuates itself into the million member English language officially approved word list. You know that thing that comes out long about every Christmas in which we are told what the "new word of the year" is? Well, "evangenitals" is, if nothing else,is standing in line, if a bit far back. There it abides, patiently waiting, lurking, awaiting the turning of a few more grammatically evolving pages. AS LGBTQ and transgender people will readily attest, our conservative evangelical Cristian brethern and sistern, perhaps in keeping with their apparent worship of the god of sexual predation, Donald J. Trump, are, like their molester-in-chief icon, perversely obsessed with the contents of other's undergarments. Their obsession furher extends to how genitalia are used, when, where, and under what contractual obligations. Only born and bred heterosexuals make their virtuous way into the kingdom of God, on Earth, or in heaven. Gay people need not apply, they need only repent, and undergo a ritual of brainwashing torture, "conversion therapy". For eight long months in 1692 in Salem, Massachusetts, the ancestors to our modern saved Christians drowned or burned twenty four accused witches, then, upon further reflection, realized that they may have made a mistake. Our modern religious zealots have more subtle ways of doling out torture. Laws, television mega-ministries,etc. There is no indication that their own version of enlightenment in born again reason and compassion is imminent. Likely it never will manifest. The best we can do is to treasure and relish their sole perceptible contribution to human culture; the minting of a brand new word.