Rolling the Dice For Friends, Gaining and Losing Friends

 THE PERSON with whom you are most compatible, your perfect match, your "soulmate",is almost certainly someone of whom you will never hear nor see nor meet nor speak to. Mathematics, statistical analysis, which, yes, is valid, verifies this. Likewise, in the public school system we do not so much choose our friends as they are chosen for us. We select them from among the pool of prospects our parents and our school districts give us. Many of our longest lasting friendships are mere serendipity. In one of his well known and poignant letters, Einstein compared society to a huge number of wooden planks, drifting aimlessly on the surface of a vast ocean, carried about by the vicissitudes of water and wind currents, each with a person perched atop. he told the person that he was writing to that he sincerely hoped that his wooden plank and the one upon which the other person was floating would bump into each other in the future, if only by chance. Yours truly, Dr. Einstein. We should all be so fortunate as to receive such a comment in the farewell portion of a letter, or email. Our lives consist of a huge number of brief, mostly fortuitous encounters with people who will only play a limited role in our lives, encounters unpredictable.All friendships end; its merely a matter of when and how. But they all have a lasting impact on our lives and our memories, making all of them worthwhile and valuable. At the end of our days, all we have left, really, is our memories of our lives, and the people with whom we shared them. I live in a conservative corner of a conservative state, surrounded by politically and culturally conservative folks, and would feel quite out of place if I allowed myself to. I often reflect that I belong in a university town, which is why I live near one, which suffices. Social media gives us the opportunity of choosing more compatible friends from a larger sea of fish, but the trade off is time and distance, which become impediments. I want my friendships face to face. I lost one friend because I dared suggest, forcefully, bluntly, that the scientific is the only valid way to verify information, and another because I suggested that racism might be a motivating factor when she asserted that Michelle Obama is a man. Friends like that I'm willing to lose. Over the last few years I can think of at least four good friends who chose to discontinue our friendship not by yelling, but by falling suddenly silent, by refusing to speak or respond - to anything, instead of hashing out and resolving what would have been an easily resolved issue. Its the sudden silence I don't like. Why not at least try to save a friendship? Isn't it worth it? May their silence bring them sadness, and personal evolution.We Americans are a sensitive, easily offended bunch. We prefer our friends passive and compliant. When people show a little independence and personality, the friendship is in jeopardy. Oh well, their loss.