Protecting the American Military

THE AMERICAN SECRETARY OF DEFENSE, Ash Carter, has enjoined the high brass of all branches of the military to generate ideas concerning how best to protect military personnel at recruiting stations and on military bases. Ironic, somehow, looking for ways to protect the military. If one didn't know better, one might have thought that it was the military's job to protect not only itself, but the American people as well. But what do I know? Presumably ideas will filter upward in all branches trough the ranks of the senior officers, all the way to the Secretary's desk. Then, Mr. Carter will, we assume, sift through said ideas, and select from among the best. And who knows what he/we/they will come up with? Perhaps the Air Force will suggest hovering helicopters, assigned to behave like stereotypical "helicopter parents", floating guard in midair above their charges. Special forces might suggest camouflaging all service members in eye black, berets, and sunglasses, with the hope that an potential terrorist will mistake them for a motorcycle gang off duty. Naval officers might float the idea of surrounding all military installations with shark infested moats. Marine Corps? They might argue for yelling like hell, as scare tactic. Rumor has it that the Defense Secretary himself, a person of surpassing perspicacity, is considering arming people he terms "qualified defense department personnel", whomever that might be, with sidearms of some sort. One might have thought that any member of any of the "armed" services would fit that description, but evidently not, and again, what in hell do I know? Not much, it would seem, but, actually, I do have an idea. Why not train every member of all four branches of the military, all the members of all the "armed" forces, on the proper use of weapons, handguns in particular, and then issue each service member a handgun, and permit all personnel to carry said weapons, with the hope that each member can thus self protect? Maybe a clip fed nine millimeter, or something of the sort. Hell, even BB guns would be better than nothing. This could be done with an accompanying proscription against unloaded air gun play fights and selfies. Then, maybe all enlistees can sort of, you know, hang out together, like a group, or a gang, or an army, and watch each other's backs. Isn't that what friends are for? As they always say, there is safety in numbers.